Undone

I have to admit, life gets a lot more hectic as you get older. I mean, I get hassled by everyone about college, and jobs. (no offense to anyone, I just wish there was something else we could talk about sometimes…) Not to mention… well, I know two girls from my senior class that are getting married. I’m not saying i want to right yet, especially since there isnt’ anyone who seems keen on the idea of marriage and me. *shrugs*

And I …. i don’t know what to say. It shocks me to see all of these girls getting married. I mean, we just graduated, there’s so much else we could do. That’s on one side of my brain– and the other, well…. it says:

“Wouldn’t it be so nice? To have someone sweep you off your feet, and kiss you andhold you at night– who loves you and wants to be with you forever? Someone to do things with, and someone to come home to… doesn’t that sound nice?”

and I have to agree with that side of the brain. I have little fantasies going on in my brain nearly twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Of someone chasing after me like in a bad sappy movie, and i’ve spent so much time trying to figure out why guys don’t chase me down like they do girls in chick flicks. And I finally came up with, i’m not in a movie. Sure, everything looks pretty and shiny in a movie, and we’d all love life to work out that way, even for just a little while. But the thing is, it doesn’t. Ever. No Man will ever throw me up against a wall and kiss me. Because I’m not a star of a film, and i don’t have a script…

i don’t know how it’s going to work out in the end.

But even for just a moment, it would be nice. I mean, sure i get little snippets. Take for example when Monkey would come into work… i could hear the music in my head swell, and what not. Sure, he may not be the hero in my little life novel, but that’s what’s so interesting….. you never know what’s going to happen in life. I guess that’s what makes it worth living in the long run.

I don’t suppose i’m the only girl in the world who wishes she was smacked up against the wall into a good ole fashioned make out session with the guy of their dreams…. now am i? If i was, then those damn movies wouldn’t sell so well.

Fourth Report

I have to say my fourth this year, was much different than last. Last year I was watching three guys play basketball and cuss every three seconds, all while the guy of my dreams (at that time) looked at porn. *shrugs* This year it was like i was staring in my own porn video… but like last year, i’m walking away with a new lesson filed in my head.

God doesn’t want me to do things like that, because if i hadn’t left, i would have done something i would be regretting. Or at least i would have tried. In any case, it would have lead to bad things. *frowns* And I feel like a very bad Meryl…. Friends don’t do the things we did… or at least i didn’t think so.

Red says friends shag sometimes. I have to admit i don’t have any friends like that. I don’t want to have snog buddies. I want it to be something special, not just a romp and wait for a phone call.

Besides…. I value some of my friends more than that. I love all of my friends, but i wouldn’t ….. i couldn’t ever make their friendship into some kind of sex toy thing. *shakes her head* If I gave it out like candy, it’d be devalued, and then where would i be?

State Street. That’s where.

Derringer Meryl [Hey Sailor looking for a] Out