Undone

You know, it started out like such a good week.

Great guy prospects all around. *nods* and it’s like a burn when i find out one a single friggin’ one worked out. nothing is making me feel better, and despite the fact i think drinking is disgusting and horribly wrong….

i’d like to get very pissed right now.

i know it won’t make me feel better, but i’ll forget for a little while, ya know? Like for those few hours i can be so drunk that i won’t have to worry about anything but not vomiting on my shoes….

sounds carefree to me.

and still i know it’ll hurt worse (both physically and mentally) in the morning. And it hurts–

because i could tell that he was lying. It’s like when someone can’t hide it– you can hear the pain in their voice because they’re lying, and they don’t want to– like they’re afraid….

and you can feel it. I think that’s what hurts the most, the fact that you can hear the lie…

and you want to tell them to shut the hell up, and stop making excuses, but then your realize that they’re only doing it to comfort you….

because they know what you do. What you feel is wrong. It’s sick, God hates you for loving him that way…. for wanting him to take you in your arms and hold you through the night– and nothing more.

And no one knows that he’s the only one you’ve really felt this for. That the fact that he’s lying kills you inside as the pain builds and builds until you want to die inside–

but you can’t– and they won’t let you.

Derringer Meryl [Sullen Longing] Out