Undone

Sometimes I feel bad. Because I don’t do what I’m supposed to. Because I wish for all that movie magic that just isn’t mine for the taking. Because it’s always just beyond my reach.

Why is it, that all the good things, are just beyond my reach. THat’s what it feels like. The guys, the grades, the friends, the relationships, all of it, it’s like I’m five, and I want the cookies on top of the fridge, and I can’t reach them, because i’m so small.

I thought I was supposed to be small.

I guess I was wrong.

But I write these stories, filled with the movie magic that I want, that I need. and…

That’s all it is, a story that I can live in for a moment, and then someone closes the book, and it’s over. I don’t like that part. The ‘its over’ part. I want to keep going. I want to live there, in that land of movie magic.

There I go again, wanting to live in the lies of the entertainment industry…. Some people say I should be happy with what I have–

How can I be happy if I have nothing? That may sound shallow, and rude, and crap like that. But.– I don’t mean i have nothing, I mean romantically speaking. I’m just smothering myself in all this romantic stuff, and I’m dying here–

I’m dying in that romantic lie I told.

Good Bye for today

Derringer Meryl [Sweep me off my Feet] Out