Undone

Everyone has something they’re really good at, that no one else in the world is good at.

I’d like the delusional psychopaths that drilled this line of thinking into my head as a child, and still do, to come and meet me, the epitome of mediocrity.

I’m not even joking. I”m okay at everything. Is that my special talent? That I”m just okay at everything? I dont’ understand. Why they seem to think that If I try my hardest that i can suceed, and then I try my hardest, I do my very hardest at everything, I give it all I have, and all I ever get back is nothing. I get nothing back. You think I”m joking?? You should hear me try singing, acting, speaking, or writing. I’m okay, just okay, nothing spectacular, just okay.

Want to know why I keep trying? Because someone else drilled into my brain that if I kept trying, and practicing, that I”d get better. I’m a living testament that you don’t. You don’t get better, you don’t improve. Shove your talents where the sun doesn’t shine, because that’s what they are good for.

Not really. Some people are that good, that they should share their talents with all the world. BUt I got beyond the point of deluding myself about my great worth. I have no invaluable talents.

Except that I am the one and only me. That’s about it. That’s all Ic an do. That’s it. Don’t ask me to do any more than be me, because that’s all I can do. I can breathe like me, talk like me, and act like me, and disfunctionally speak like me. I’ll never be excellent, I’ll never be superb. I’ll just be Mediocre Meryl.

That’s all. I’ll never be a great friend, and that’s it. I’ll never remember your birthday, even if we are on speaking terms, because I can’t. I can only do a fifty-fifty job. Only OKay.

Don’t expect something great from me. Don’t expect me to reveal something deep to you when I write, because I”m not writing for you. I’m writing for me, and for all it’s worth, I think my mediocre writings are funny, and despite the fact that they’re just okay–

just fair.

I love them all the same. I’ll never be a Poe, or a Wadsworth, or Dickinson. Because I’m just Meryl.

So suck it up, and deal, because i’m at my peak of mediocrity.

Derringer Meryl [I am Okay] Out