Undone

It’s insane.

How much I am a hopeless romantic. I want someone to run home and call me, because they miss me. I suppose that’s too much to ask, especially in this day in age.

Plus Romance isn’t something you find often in high school, if at all. I can’t help but want it.

I’ve wanted to be married since I was little. I wanted to be away from all the bad things in my life, hiding in the safety that I thought was marriage, where you can hide and no one cares that you’re leaning on your spouse because you’re supposed to.

Then I grew up, and while I still long for the companionship of marriage, I am afraid for all the other things that marriage brings.

Like divorce and fights

and money problems, and finding things out about my spouse that I never knew, that I didn’t want to know. Dealing with all that, and having problems, possibly such big problems that we can’t work through

and then I’d be alone again.

I want to meet someone so devoted to me that they’d dress up as hello kitty for me. Not because I say it all the time, but because then I’d know that they’d really love me, that making a fool of themselves isn’t something that’s bad, and that I’m worth it.

Trust me I have a list of things that are I’d do, or I’d like someone to do for me.

Screwing is not one of them.

I figured blunt was the best way to put that one. Sometimes making love can be the deepest and most binding things in a relationship, but since not everyone thinks that way in the world, it’s not one of the things I’d do for a relationship. It’s not. How easy is it to pick up your clothes from a one night stand and leave.

Too easy.

Sure it’s equally easy to step out of a hello kitty costume and say “I’m breaking up with you” but hey, no one calls you a few months later saying “Hey, Remember that one time that you wore that hello kitty costume? Well I’m pregnant.”

I’m an odd little kitten aren’t I? Well Demented is one of the things I do best. Strange isnt’ it? I thought so.

It’s insane.

I never want to feel emotion again. Never. I want to chuck all of my feelings and emotions into the jordan river and watch them float in the mucky duck water. I don’t care.

I DON’T CARE!

I musnt run away

I musnt run away

I musnt run away

I musnt run away

Derringer Meryl [Having a Shinji Moment] Out