Undone

or maybe I’m turning the page….
I crave closure. Not having it, drives me a little crazy. It’s just a lesson of not having what you want I guess. Today was my first day turning a completely new page. I thought a lot about it. I feel like it’s all completely inexplicable. I’ve been here before. I wonder why I can’t eek out the words I want to say. Why I can’t peek inside myself to see what is making me destructive like this. It’s very depressing. I am normally very in touch with my emotions, and lately I have been shocking myself, things out of left field, things very unlike myself are beginning to surface, and I wonder why. I try and peer inside to see where this is all coming from, and I am lost.I have been feeling for months that I didn’t know who I was anymore, but it seems to have really came to a head recently.

I once wrote something for my english class, I’ll have to dig it up. It was all about who I was. I wonder how much of it’s true. I’m going to go search for it… I’ll update again when I find it. 😉

ETA: apparently my files are hidden, but I’m reading my teacher’s notes from college about my work, and now that i”m older and less “I know everything about writing, because I write all day all the time, and I’m the awesome-est writer ever” I’m thinking her advice is good. I want to start tinkering with my old poems again. I have over 300 poems. I kept nearly everything I’ve ever written, I submitted it for a lot of critique, I didn’t write much in college, because I could just re-use what I wrote in High School. And people were a lot more honest. I want to work on it again. I want my 300 little babies to be published.. in a real book. I want to be a real poet. I”m not Maya Angelou or anything, but I’d love to write and have people read it. Maybe I’ll self-publish and send one to Oprah 😉

Derringer Meryl {Mission: Find Meryl} Out