Undone

Roller Coaster…

OW- Of love.

Okay, so you’re not getting the whole picture with this, are ya? Well ya know. I’m the singing type. (Thus the reason lyrics to various songs are always spewed amid random thoughts) Roller coaster of love is classic.

*swoons*

He said I could go to his barbecue. I CAN’T go, cause there’ll be drinking and we have ‘family’ plans, but i COULD go, otherwise.

COULD– as in, if I were normal instead of the peculiar girl I am, I COULD go and make out with who ever the monkey I wanted. I could go, and I could flirt, and I could talk–

*sighs* But I”m not a normal girl. I’m the whacky patacky girl who can’t do those things.

Cause I’m moral and upright and whatever. I just — wish that he could see me… see me for more than just some girl he works with who falls down a lot….. See me as — as…

As a woman- Someone he could date, and tell his stories to, and laugh with….

*meekly* and kiss.

is that so much to ask?

I suppose it is. My heart can’t stand this. I wonder if he sees me. It takes alot of guts to say some things… like: “What kind of relationship do we have?” or just the plain old confession of: “Hey, I really like you, and I would like it if you really liked me….”

Man those are lame. I’ll go wallow in hours of Buffy Fanfiction– and

and….

being lonely.

Today he was saying sometimes he misses dating people, well girls– you know.

it was all i could do to keep myself from saying…. “I could help you feel better.”

Lame-o

Derringer Meryl [You don’t love me, the way I wish you would] Out