Undone

Within even hours of each other? I know, I’m crazy like that.

Also I want to annoy my husband’s RSS reader. Also. I found myself pondering a rather morose topic in the car while some good ole Nirvana on the way back from work. They were on a Nirvana spree this afternoon. Oddly I find I do some of my best thinking when listening to products the grunge era. Anyway. I was thinking about people who think Depression is all in your head. Psychologically speaking of course. Physically speaking they would be correct, usually the cause of depression (in most people) is a problem with Serotonin. Sweet eh? I am the only person I know who took chemistry, and did lots of bio chem work while in it. I delved really deep into the causes of depression — it related to me, and knowing about what caused it really helped me feel better.

still.

Hearing that there are people who think Depression is all psychological really chaps my hide. Seriously. I had several serious bouts of depression (clinical, I was diagnosed by a family practitioner at 15) through out my high school (and junior high school) career. While I no longer manage my depression through medication I am aware that not all depression sufferers are able to do so. I don’t like to think that they are “dependent” on the medication, though I will admit that I was dependent at one point. The withdrawal of the medication (even when done correctly tapering off over time) caused myself serious (well serious to me) physical problems, such as night tremors which lasted a year after I stopped the medication. I believe that there are people who have a problem that can’t just be helped to get over it. Some people need the medication to function normally. To feel normally. It’s hard.

I like to think that people who think depression is all psychological are simply happy naive people. People who don’t know what it’s like to lay in bed at night trying to convince themselves that God would be ok with them dying because God ultimately wants them to be happy. I imagine they don’t know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate yourself for no particular reason at all. To hate the fake smile you plaster on all the time. To feel like you’re numb from it all.

I remember it all.

I don’t feel like that anymore. Scott and I have been medication free since we’ve been married (For me it’s almost 6 years. I’m really actually very proud of that) I would never belittle or excuse someones depression. It’s hard to know what to say to someone who is progressively sad. It’s hard to know how to help them. Just be there. let them know you’re there. Call and chat with them. Let them know you missed them if they’re away. Be Supportive. I had/have an amazing  support structure of friends and family. I know that it’s why I’m so mentally healthy (HAHA!) today. (And to all of you who are saying “THIS IS HER HEALTHY?” the answer is, aren’t you glad  you didn’t see me when I was mentally ill?)

Derringer Meryl [HEY HEY, I got a new complaint] Out