Undone

Oh joyus reunion day.

Right. Like having my family come back to this place can ever be happy. I honestly know that I should love the members of my family more, but–

Sometimes it’s hard, like really hard too.

It shouldn’t be.

I have to wonder how life would be if Zoloft and other Non-MAOI’s had been introduced into my life earlier.

Sometimes I wonder if i’m even living this life, or if I’m just imagining it and my first grade teacher will just kick my chair finally and I’ll wake up and be back in Woodglenn Elementary with my little boyfriend that I taught how to swing, and we broke up because he didn’t give me a good Valentine. I should have realized then that I was doomed with romance.

I have to wonder if what is going on isn’t some big joke and someone like Suzanne Summers isn’t going to pop out of no where and try and sell me a thigh-master while telling me that I’m on candid camera.

Like my whole life is one big Truman show. Yeah Right.

That would be some sort of twisted fantasy where I could blame all the problems in my life on the fact that every person in my life had lied to me and I actually had no really true friends– except the ones who were trying to tell me the truth…. It’s funny how readily we identify lies as truth, and truth as lies.

Really, Think about it, any movie you see someone tries to tell a character the truth, and they deny it, because the truth is just too hard to bear. I don’t know where they get off, but get over it, get some medication.

And then sometimes I wonder if my life is a self projected hallucination, that I’ve made up in my mind to cover the heart ache of something way too deep. But then I realize what ever is going on in my life is much more painful than whatever is going on in the ‘unprojected’ life so I did a pretty cruddy job on my hallucination.

Life is pain, I suppose that sums it up, I don’t know why It has to be, but it is.

Derringer Meryl out