Undone

I think this has been building up in me for the last twelve days. This entry is mostly for Red, but you can read it if you want. I’m certainly not going to stop you.

Last summer, I was hurt very badly. We were on the slow boat to repairing that when you went to college. College is hard on ANY type of relationship. This you know. This we both understand. I was still really hurt from that. I’m not now– I understand why it happened. You were vaguely apologetic. You bought me things to prove our friendship. I regret a lot about graduation night. I regret ever thinking I could trust you with something so important as the very beginnings of a fragile relationship with Monkey. I hurt. I hurt a lot. I don’t so much anymore. The only thing that hurts is that you never seemed really apologetic about going after him, only that you told me.

Next. I couldn’t tell you I had a boyfriend. You were never here. Never called, never wrote, never were online. I understood that you were busy, I didn’t want to interrupt. You have very important things to do with your life. I understand that. You were going places and doing things, and honestly, things I couldn’t really relate to. Maybe I should call to your recollection the fact that you didn’t contact me at all last week when you were in town. Maybe I should bring it to your attention that I don’t trust you with Scott. I’m sorry for it, but I don’t. I wish I could, but we’re still in some sort of limbo place that we don’t seem to be moving from. You didn’t call me at Christmas either. You even stood me up at Christmas. You didn’t call me on my birthday.

I may be at blame for some of this. Sure, It’s my fault too. I didn’t call you. I admit that. That’s me. I own that. But you are just as guilty of the same offense. As for my Maid of honor. I have known Care Bear a LOT longer than you. She’s stood with me through everything. Even liking the same boy….

I love you Red. You’re one of my best friends… you should know that.

Derringer Meryl [Owning this] Out