Undone

Siblings. Some would say they are a blessing and a curse. I’m finding them just a curse. The curse of the annoying, the judging, the unloving, and the moody. Oh Yes, I should love them always, and good grief do I try. I never verbally judge them, at least i don’t think i do. But cheese and rice….

My older brother decides that he should tell my dad that once someone asked me to move in with them. good grief. I don’t think i can trust them with anything. at all. so i’m moving into complete anger mode.

my sister in law thinks that i love friendjamin, but i don’t. He’s a funny guy, and he understands a lot, but no. I don’t. Guess what great and spifforific source my sister in law got this infactual information from? My nephrew, who’s four. I’m sick and tired of people assuming they know what’s going on in my life, then giving me advice on it.

Oh, and of course my sister in law couldn’t bring this up in ya know, private, because that’s not her way. She’s a fetching pot stirrer. she knows what she’s doing, and when and why to do it. *mutters* and apparently i swear too much in my blog. It’s a damn good thing certain people don’t have access to my personal journal. Jerks.

*hmph*

anyway, the lyric spew for today is going to be … um… a Tony Bennett Tune…. which is also a gershwin song too. Yippie. Have a happy week 😀

They Can’t Take That Away From Me

There are many many crazy things

That will keep me loving you

And with your permission

May I list a few

The way you wear your hat

The way you sip your tea

The memory of all that

No they can’t take that away from me

The way your smile just beams

The way you sing off key

The way you haunt my dreams

No they can’t take that away from me

We may never never meet again, on that bumpy road to love

But I’ll always, always keep the memory of

The way you hold your knife23

The way we danced till three

The way you changed my life

No they can’t take that away from me

Derringer Meryl [you took it away right nicely thanks] Out

Uh-Oh. He likes Gershwin. He likes old type music, like Tony Bennett and Old Blue Eyes. *smiles*

Oh Yeah, I’m talking about Gert. He’s so …. different. I don’t know if it’s swoon worthy, like, if i should be breath-taken, or how i feel entirely…. but i know i like to spend time with him. He’s fun, and he makes me laugh. I love to laugh. It’s my favorite pastime. Hee hee.

so– fifteen or so hours when i finish work tonight, for this week alone. *smiles* that means out of my alotted hours of time in my life this week, i’ve spent (or will soon) spend fifteen and a half hours working.

*frowns* I can think of fifty million other things i’d like to do. Like hang out with my friends, which i never get to do anymore. Blah.

I bought a new game, Sword of the Berserk: Guts Rage and i’m liking it. The thing is, is that, i’m not a little girl any more. When i get done watching an anime, or a movie, i feel sad, and a little bitter. Because, *sighs* Okay, in this video game Guts, who is this hardcore guy who thinks “i don’t need you, and i don’t need one damn person in this world.” Basically a guy after my own heart, but somehow, a fellow warrior, Caska, works her way into his heart. He falls in love with her, and she’s completely smitten herself… and then…. she looses her mind. Another guy does some real shibby stuff to her, and she’s gone. Guts ends up devoting his life, to make her remember what they had before.

And I get all sad, and angry, because i don’t have that. I dont’ have someone who would kill a hundred men to save me. Hell, I don’t have someone who would risk being pricked by a thorn because they love me. I mean, amorous kind of love, not like “My mommy and daddy love me…” type love. I have that coming out my ears. i guess i should be grateful, but …

you begin to miss what you never had, simply by seeing what others have.

Now, the two-hundred-million-dollar question….

Do I love someone enough to fight off a hundred men?

Well. yes. I try to make it go away, and i guess i try to hate people, but… deep down, i love people. That doesn’t mean they don’t annoy me to the point of wanting to murder them sometimes– but… Yeah, I love someone enough to die for them.

I’d crawl two thousand miles on broken glass, just to lie in their shade.

It’s sick.

I’m sick.

Derringer Meryl [and i never want to do this again] Out

Yeah…. So I realized today that i’m uber pathetic.

I found my ticket stub for charlies angel’s two– and nearly started crying.

I miss the good old days when…. when i hung out with people, and they returned phone calls, and….

I was so desprately alone.

No one but my brothers read here now– at least i think so. Red is too busy with school (Good Girl, be busy, it’s okay), and i’m fairly sure Monkey just doesn’t give a flying rats ass– or i’m mistaken and he’s reading right now. Heh.

Anyway, Since its just you and … um, well technically since you is me, that means the basic reader is me. So since it’s just me and me, i’ll say this, I have a poem for me to post. hahaha!

Mistaken Sin

i liked you
you liked me
and it was simple
so simple
i don’t know where
we lost each other
no–
i don’t know
where i lost you
because,
that’s how i see it
i lost you
the chance to be with you
the ability to
be near to you
to feel your touch
to be in your company

and i look back
on the short time
we had together
and i feel silly
so very stupid for
saying what i have to say
but i feel something
so very deep inside
something i never felt before
that only you can reach
you made me smile
and laugh
in a way that i missed
that i still miss now
and i can’t help
but feel angry
hurt
scared and confused
because that comfort was
so abruptly taken away

and now it hurts
to look you in the eye
because i feel
ashamed for the
emotions surging
through me
and i can’t
— no i won’t —
i refuse
to tell you
how i feel…
we had a chance
and you
and we
and they
it was stolen away

God–
Can’t my love
Be between
i and he?
can’t this world
only exist
of us?

Please God
Save me.

Derringer Meryl [Realization Burns] Out