Undone

Finally.

After days and days of waiting to put an entry in here… I finally get to place an entry, so I better make it a doozy.

Right then.

I finally got to watch the Episode of Buffy called Lies My Parents Told Me and I happened to love it! Just like I thought I would…. I finally found out the name of the song that triggers Spike… *sighs* I am so happy, and I am currently downloading every copy of it I can find (by various singers)

Early One morning

Early one morning,

Just as the sun was rising,

I heard a maid sing,

In the valley below.

O, don’t deceive me,

O, never leave me,

How could you use

A poor maiden so?

Remember the vows,

That you made to your Mary,

Remember the bower,

Where you vowed to be true,

O, don’t deceive me,

O, never leave me,

How could you use

A poor maiden so?

Thus sang the poor maiden,

Her sorrows bewailing,

Thus sang the poor maid,

In the valley below.

O, don’t deceive me,

O, never leave me,

How could you use

A poor maiden so?

I LOVE it. Just because … because it’s useless trivia, and …. It sounds nice.

It’s haunting. Really. I think you’d have to hear it yourself to understand quite what i mean…

What else is really exciting?

Hm– Well despite my best intentions– I have done NO homework all weekend. Besides the fact that i’m fairly sure that Microsoft is the devil. I can’t even properly down– uhh… throw down.. their …. programs… right.

No– I feel that Microsoft charges TOO much for their HELL SPAWN (other wise known as Software), I mean $100 for a program like power point? What are my possibilities here? Um….

1- Do my work at school, where the computers suck and the mice are screwed up, and I can’t get on the internet, because half of the websites I go to that AREN’T porn come up saying they are. I mean c’mon. I’m not even allowed to do a fetching Google search.

2-Buy the software. Swallow my pride, chuck my money down the drain, because this one MASSIVE project is the only time I’m going to use it.

3- Pirate it. Simple, quick, free, and Microsoft will never taste any of my sweet sweet virgin money. Down with Microsoft!!

I know. I’m evil. I”m pretty sure I”m supporting communism… but you wanna know what? Bill Gates is making a good deal off of my school. I”m just going to pirate it for two weeks, then it’s delete-issamo. I don’t want it on my computer for ever!

Raspberries.

Flame me with Pirate-hate.

Arg

Derringer Meryl [Oh How could you use a poor microsoft so] Out

That’s me.

Annoying, frustrating, and always a problem causer. That’s me. Because everytime I decide it’s time to look up some college stuff, they want to know about the tax information. Which means I have to ask my dad, which means he has to part from his beloved television (If he could, I’m sure he’d marry it.) and look his tax info up on the computer.

Not to mention the government requires you to know everything and more than likely as i get closer to the end– I’ll find i need to give some kind of urine sample. GARG! Yes, dammit, I said Garg, and I meant it. Because– I’m tired of little mr. whiney pitching a damn fit everytime I ask for something. He loves that tv more than me, and i know it.

Why else would he spend every waking moment in front of it?

Oh, this is only the beginning of the mother loving saga we call the weekend. Whoever said it was right, “When It Rains, it pours.”

My friend told me on saturday that she may be sick. I don’t mean *Cough cough* oh I’m sick, kind of sick, I mean hospital pallid face, can’t keep down jello because of the meds they have you on, kind of sick. I’m scared. She’s one of the few things I have left. Sure, sometimes I don’t agree with what she says, but she’s all I have as far as friends go. She’s great, and wonderful– and I couldn’t bear to think of life without her– not only for me, but for the rest of the universe. I’m pretty sure– if she died…

God. Why did I say that?

She’s not going to.I can’t let her. She’s…

something beyond all of the words I have, because everything that springs to mind is too trite for our friendship. She’s — the only reason I’m not insane.

and now– on the opposite endof the scale– my dad, the king of pouters. Who currently can’t find out how much money he’s worth. Damn FAFSA. I hope you die. *Kicks the Government*

Monkey Blarney.

Derringer Meryl [once i saw the glory in your eyes] Out

Days later– Hmph. Diary land has been having problems. It is SO inconvenient….. Dang, did I even spell taht right?

I don’t know. But I figure Diaryland is free, and I guess I can deal with the server being down for a while. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Hiho Hiho It’s off to school I go] Out

Figured I should get around to posting something that isn’t whining.

Yeah, Like I could do anything but whine. Oh well, I guess you wouldnt’ be reading if you didn’t enjoy it in some masochistic way. Right?

Anway, I should be doing some homework for school, but I thought that I’d rather dish about work. I didn’t think this would ever happen again, but you know my luck. Blah.

Anyway, I enjoy my new Boss, he’s so funny, and just incredible. SO very nice, unlike Paul (Yes I said his real name, I don’t care, he’s a jerk, and everyone deserves to know). They both have rather simular lives, but my new boss seems to have taken it and made himself stronger instead of becoming bitter and what not. I think it’s great. I wish I had the strength to do that. To become not bitter, and not hate the people who hurt me. I guess that’s my weakness. Majorly so.

I’ve been reading up on Buffy spoilers. (run Away Run Run run if you don’t want to be spoiled!!!)

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the title of the next new episode which is

Lies My Parents Told Me

I was thinking about that. In the episode the father figure (Giles) is telling Buffy she shouldn’t become involved with Spike (Evil grr Vampire) romantically again. Well screw the romantically, they shoudln’t be involved together at all, especially not physically like they were previously. Buffy says that Spike is there because she can’t handle him not being there right now.

This reminds me of my family right now, not just my parents, but pretty much all of my family. It’s like they know what is best for me, even though they don’t know what is going on in my head, or my heart, or the feelings that pulse through my body. My friend… well he’s leaving on a mission soon. He’s a doll and I think he’s great and all, extremely sweet, but it’s hard enough for me to get out of bed and go to church every week, let alone drive to someone elses church. It all seems like such a burden. I do feel bad for not going, but …. i don’t know, we weren’t really involved, he never asked me back out on a date– which was fine, I understand. I don’t know how to explain it, he’s a total lovable guy, but I just didn’t feel it was right for me to go. SO much for that.

The story of Buffy is how people, especially parents, meddle in other’s lives. Doing what they suppose is best. Mom asks people to go out with you, Dad gives you lectures on the importance of staying morally clean.

I’ve heard it all before, and I’m a good girl. I have my little bubble of safety– and I”m happy with it. I’m not ready for it to be gone yet.

Derringer Meryl [Bubble Named Spike] Out

I recently complained that no one pays attention to me.

That’s a lie.

They pay plenty of attention to me when it’s useful to them. “Oh Meryl, You can help us in the yard!”, “OH Meryl, can you do this for the class? It’d be appreciated!”

BLAH BLAH BLAH. DO your homework, do your chores, do this do that, do your job, keep your head on straight

don’t have a mental break down Meryl!

Lord. *shakes her head* I’m tired. Oh God am I tried. I’m tired of all this work, and the fact that’s all I’m good for. Work. I”m a little work pony or something. Freak. *sighs* I do not mind helping out. I simply cannot do everything.

And whether you know it or not, YOU have asked me to do it all. I can’t solve problems, I can’t figure life out, and I don’t have time to write emails, hell!

I’m writing in here when I just told my mom I needed to do homework…. dammit. I can’t do everything. DOn’t ask me to, dont’ bug me about it…. just DON’T!

Okay? It’s not personal, no, it’s about me. Stop making it about YOU cause it’s ME! I don’t care what you think, I’m having some problems managing here, and I really don’t have TIME to listen to YOUR insecurities right now.

ALRIGHT? and I sure as hell dont’ have time to chop some dumb limbs up in the back yard. Not right now, not in the middle of the day. I’m a little busy.

If you needed me, you should have asked me to do it this morning, when it was slightly cool outside.

Derringer Meryl [Ready to Scream] Out

p.s. Oh yeah, dont’ tell me you feel flustered, and you dont’ think I understand your responsibilities and crap. I feel it, because everytime YOU’RE stressed it gets dumped on ME. Okay? I didn’t ask you to take on five things at once. I didn’t ask to be YOUR punching bag. I dont’ need it, and I surely dont’ want it. If you can’t treat me right, like a normal person treats another, then leave me alone.