Undone

I’m beginning to like my stress management class more and more. All I’m doing is sleeping now days (Wahoo!) in class. It’s really nice. We’ve been doing these relaxation techniques, and I heard one today that I really liked. 🙂 it was short (about five minutes) and it really worked.

I slept through the other two relaxation techniques (mostly).

So while the stress is on for finals it feels like it does when you’re at the last two weeks in High school and no one wants to do anything because they’re exhausted from prepping for finals, and teachers don’t want to grade five hundred more papers, so they just cancel stuff. (I don’t mind, I just feel like i’m wasting my time) You have to go to class, because something important might happen– but you go and you wish you could have known ahead of time that you could have skipped and not missed a darn thing.

I’m so tired of going to pointless classes. Tired of doing this crappy in between here and there work. No one cares– so–

why am I here again?

I’d much rather be with Scott. This is getting infuriating. >:{

I’m beginning to feel less stressed about class though. (wahoo!) and I’m totally not worrying about the wedding so much. I don’t NEED to spaz, I have Scott helping me out (with choices and such) then my mom, and her sisters (my aunts) my wonderful sister-laws (Sukie and Antigone) are helping with a Bridal shower… and Antigone and her sister are helping with the flowers (maybe? I’m not quite sure, it’s okay either way) And Care Bear comes around and we hang out (I try to, sometimes i just suck and have to work or something) and she keeps me laughing. Seriously one of my greatest friends

The main thing here is– that i have a great support system, and i don’t need to worry about this all by myself.

Derringer Meryl [Gonna Go Check up on Red] Out

*sighs* I’m not procrastinating. Really. It’s just that this isn’t due until the 29th, and I really don’t want to analyze a film right now. especially not a pain in the butt long movie like Lord of the Rings. (The Fellowship of the Ring) which is SO long and SO boring, I want to stab my eyes out. I got assigned it in my group, while the two other people got the second movie (there’s another girl working with me on the first one.) and really all i have to do is spew about the stupid esoteric symbols in the movie for a page… but I don’t wanna.

Really.

Cause all I wanna do is talk to Scott. i want to be distracted. I don’t want to think about the huge mound of homework I have, or the fact that I still have a page and a half things I need to buy for the wedding (or pay for) and the piano player still hasn’t called back. (what a monkey.) and it’s costing a kidney and two-thirds for Scott to come visit me at home. And I keep getting the shaft at work (as in, not scheduled) so I’m basically a working gal with no income…. and a lot of out go. *starts to pull at her hair* it’d be stupid to get a new job now Up here, but it’s impossible for me to get a job down there yet (I’m still in school, and then there’s only a month until the wedding–) and… ugh! *pulls hair out* and i feel like a lazy piece of poo! I’m doing a whole lot of nothing.

BLAH!

Flowers, Garter, and where the heck is my dress? I don’t know. I don’t know much. I should probably just relax and watch as everyone else plans my wedding, cause while i do care about how it turns out, the most important part is the fact that Scott and I are going to be sealed to each other for now and forever.

I think i need that tattooed on my arm or something.

Who knows where i’m going to get the money for my temple skirt…

maybe i’ll sell some plasma… How much do they give for that Antigone. if the annoyance of a needle is worth it… i might go give it a round.

Derringer Meryl [Feeling stretched] Ou

It occurs to me– (in all reality I was talking to Scott about this last night) that neither of our siblings (for the most part on my side, Dax’ll be there) will be able to attend our wedding.

Now, his sibs are all young and tender, and not endowed. So we’re both okay with that. Most of my siblings are… (Cept Wudan and Sukie) and I’m not writing about this to rag on anyone for their own personal choices. They do what’s good to them. *shrugs*

I just really always imagined everyone being there. The whole gang, ya know? I’m not gonna wait, or put off my date or anything for them, because it was their choice to not be able to come. I try not to make a big deal about no one being able to come, because I don’t want anyone to feel like I hate them for not being able to come. It doesn’t make me happy, but … It’s not about me. *shrugs* I’m a big enough girl to understand that Johnny Golucky doesn’t think “I better not do that, Cause Meryl might get upset.” I know it’s not about me. I mostly kept quiet on the topic because I don’t see my sibs a lot. Sometimes only once a month, sometimes less. I don’t want to ruin my one weekend (or whatever) I see my siblings by upsetting them.

Cause above all, I just want them to be happy.

I have a point. it’s simple. I love my sibs. I love them if they can’t come, and i wouldn’t love them any more if they could. My day would have just been extra special then. 🙂

Anyway. I have to work on homework. I have a ton and a half of it to do. 😛 I just thought i’d speak out on the subject. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, with the wedding drawing closer and all.

Derringer Meryl [Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, it’s off to homework we go…] Out

Okay, I heard this song while going down to D&D this weekend with Scott. It rocks. I love it. Seriously one of my new favorites. And besides all that I haven’t had a lyric spew in a long time.

Barenaked Ladies, Go Home

Well let me tell you if you’re feeling alone,

Instead of whining and moaning,

Just get on the phone, tell her you’re coming home

If you need, you should be there

If you scream in your sleep, or collapse in a heap

And spontaneously weep, then you know you’re in deep

If you need her, you should be there

Go Home

There’s nothing better than affairs of the heart

To make you feel so good then tear you apart

Make up your mind and stick it out or start again

You can’t imagine what an effort it takes

When you make a mistake

And you know in the wake that a heart’s going to break

If you need her, you should be there

If you’re flummoxed and flushed

And your heartbeat is rushed

Then get out of the slush, tell your dog team to mush

If you need her, you should be there

Go Home

If you think of her as Joan of Arc

She’s burning for you, get your car out of park

If you think of her as Catherine the Great

Then you should be the horse to help her meet her fate

If you need her, you should be there,

Go Home

You can’t believe it, but it’s true

She’s given everything to you

Now take a moment to be sure

Before you give it all to her

Well now you’re thinking that it’s over at last,

All your woes in the past

But you’ve got to be fast; put your foot on the gas

If you need her, you should be there

so now you’re out from under the gun

And it’s over and done

I won’t spoil all the fun but if you ever wonder

She’ll be there if you need her

Go Home

If you’re lucky to be one of the few

To find somebody who can tolerate you

Then I shouldn’t have to tell you again

Just pack your bags and get yourself on a plane

If you need her, you should be there

Go Home

If you need her, you should be there

Go Home

Derringer Meryl [Going Home For now] Out

Hello! Sorry about the lack of updates– i’ve been– school-ing. I’m actually at school right now, attempting to get what america calls “A quality education”

yeah

I believe that.

anyway. it’s just getting hecktic. Quite crazy in fact. Wedding plans and what not. They weigh on my mind a lot, and how i tend to lose my mind when Scott’s around, nothing much gets done… because I’m just thinking about how much I love him, and it can’t possibly be … fifty-something days left. (I don’t think it’s fifty seven…)

I’m just ready to be married. If I were endowed to go to the temple, eloping would appear more and more favorable. *nods* But– whatever, I can deal. 😉 I have faith in my ability to withstand.

and I have even more faith in the fact that God isn’t that cruel…

Meanwhile– I have a piano player who won’t return my phone calls (his cell is out of service and he hasn’t returned the message I left at his house.) One cake, for two receptions (I guess?) Bridesmaid dresses that I really should be more involved in, a ring to buy, homework piling up and my hair (I’m so kidding here) is falling out. (It just sounded like some kind of irony… doesn’t it?)

On the plus side, i haven’t bitten my nails in a long time. They’re getting stronger too. More ouchies though– I’ve been getting bruises in odd places. I’m beginning to think i beat myself up in my sleep.

I’m trying to be as useful as possible, but something tells me that there is something else I could do to be more productive. I have an essay to write. A quiz to study for (tomorrow night) and I’m starting to go insane. Okay, not starting, i’m already there and back again (honestly!)

My only source of humor (besides Scott, cause he’s pretty dang funny) is the fact that Leonard Nimoy really did sing a song called “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”

I could laugh for hours. or be horrified for hours. Either way. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [He fought with … a piano player] Out