Undone

Just as an update

Nothing,

at all

happened

last night.

Derringer Meryl Out

So Ummm..

Lets update on what’s happened

I still haven’t’ seen him

My Best friend moved in with me (That’s a good thing, other wise I’d call her something horribly mean, and thus give you the impression she wasn’t my best friend…. yeah. anyway.)

I have work tonight– With him, should be interesting.

It won’t be too bad. He’ll just either say the line or not. Chances are taht he didn’t even get my little note, and i’ll be fine.

Right?

I got a new shirt for school. It’s super cute, I call it my Willow shirt. Yes Willow from BtVS. Yes she’s a lesbian, but she has the whole magick thing going for her, and that’s what I mean. That the shirt is magical, very pretty, as well as green.

I’m a little tired, oh okay, a lot tired. I have to go get ready for work (have to look pretty, pretty sells stuff) and do a bunch of stuff to get ready……

Like puke my guts out of my nose. that should be interesting.

I’ll write more once I know more, I should also update my little imood thing. Imood.com is the best little place ever. I love it. You can read my entry and at the bottom my emotion sums it all up. it’s good.

Umm. Yeah.

i’m nervous.

Derringer Meryl [We are all just Prisoners here Of our own device] Out

*sigh*

Sigh is all there is to say. I’m irritable and mean and ….

Hopeless. Simply hopeless. Just like all those Disney characters you see, that become attached to the hero….

cept I don’t have one really.

I can see myself now, like five (or less) years from now being proposed to. I say no, and it won’t end like it does in Anne of Green Gables, he won’t wait for me, won’t wait for me, he’ll move on and find some girl who’ll say yes, and never look back.

No one waits in this day and age.

Why?

Why can’t someone say, “I’ve loved you since the day I met you, and i’ve tried to move on, but… .I know that we’re really meant to be.”

I”m like Anne, I can’t really think of anyone I like that way. No one I can imagine myself spending the rest of my life with

Not to mention eternity.

And it saddens me, because i don’t have a Gill Blythe who will wait for me while I philander around the world, because the boys now days are too fickle. People have a hard time staying together for the time allotted on earth, not to mention forever.

Everyone is Fickle. Everyone.

Even me. But I know that I don’t love anyone right now. I know that i think people are foxy *drools*

Anyway.

I should sleep, I’m getting sicker each night I go to sleep later and later.

Please. I beg. Sadly I beg, Just tell me this “Pancakes and Gardinias Taste good together”

Derringer Meryl [I’m lying here on the floor where you left me]

I was so nervous about putting up a new entry.

I was afraid he wouldn’t see it, I still dont’ know if he did. Maybe he figured my Journal was private and kept out.

Yeah, right.

*sighs* I might as well say, “Hey, I happened to douse my clothes in gasoline, and this lighter is alittle faulty, want to fix it for me?”

Okay, so that was the lamest little metaphor ever, but I’m not exactly on my game right now. I just… Sorta suck at the talking and not being completely nervous thing.

I just… really don’t want to loose friends. And I’m in the position where I’d consider him a friend. I mean, FETCH, he invited me to a party at his house. None of my …. umm…. okay, some of my friends have, but I mean — he didn’t have to, but did, that’s what made the difference…. and he was probably just doing it to be nice, but…

It made me feel special. Even if my Dad did ruin it.

And I guess that’s what I like about him so much. That doing normal things makes me feel special. Important. We’d just be doing normal store stuff, and when he’d ask me to do stuff….

It was nice. He asked me nice, and it didn’t make me feel stupid.

I didn’t even mind getting his dinner for him cause he asked nice.

Fetch– now you see how far a nice little “Please” can get you. And you know, it makes people have a nice day.

Say Please:

Derringer Meryl [Where there is hatred let me sow love] Out

I have to do this quick, cause i have computer conflictions….

But I did it.

I finally did it. I gave him my internet addy. He might not get it, i left it on his car, but– well the chances are high.

The rest of the entry is in case he should actually get here:

Dear “You”-

You’re here, despite my fears. I gave you my addy, and trust me, the whole time I was asking myself why i felt the need to do it.

Because I can’t spend my life in regret. I know you’re older than me, and you’re also enjoying the single scene….. I however, am not. But I have some important things to tell you before you read the previous entries

I am a lonely girl. You can tell by the title of my site, and this very diary. But I want to tell you, you’re cute. You’re so cute, you’re funny, and you’re one of the few people who makes me feel my age. Not Thirty-one, or five, my age. Me, you make me feel like me. I’m natural when i’m around you.

You’ve introduced me to new ideas, and i like that. You’ve proven on several occasions that Coke is better than Dr. Pepper. You let me hang out with your group, let me hang out with you at your party. I appreciated that beyond all words, even the most eloquent speakers would be left without words at the expression of my appreciation.

Thank you for listening to me rant. I do it a lot, and I appreciate that when I do, i only get a slight tease, and not a lecture. That’s something that’s important. It’s something I appreciated.

When you read some of these entries, I can’t even depict what i was thinking. all I can hope is that you remember what it was like to be a teenager, and that you’ll have some sort of mercy on me.

Here’s the hard part. Yes, I like/d you. I’m currently recovering.

The thing I’m most afraid of is not rejection, but the loss of the comfort that we have around each other now.

After, or if, you read this please just say this to me:

+*=^%Pancakes taste good by Gardinias%^=*+

Say that, and just that, and let us keep going on the way we are.

Please?

Derringer Meryl [She was queen for about an hour] Out