Undone

To know you’re pregnant, but not feel it. Other than a few bouts of “MAN i wish I could throw up” and my need to pee like 20 times a day, nothing has really changed at all. It’s weird. Oh well.

Katie read a book in bed this morning (in our bed, she went to sleep at 9pm and slept most of the night in her own bed, but around 5 woke up and came into mine. I don’t mind too much. I know that once she’s in the basement in a big girl bed, she will probably roll out of bed, and fall asleep somewhere  along the way. She’s done it before … only rolling out of Scott and I’s bed. LOL. I’m trying to write down all the things Katie is going to need, and the new baby will need when the time comes. I think we’ll be better prepared this time (duh) but we will need LOTS of clothes if we have a boy, as currently we HAVE no boy clothes. Though I think we have a few pieces that could go either way.

Scott made Chicken Enchilada’s (YEAH! I KNOW!) on Monday and we had them as left overs last night. They were so awesome. Then I ran Katie to the store to pick up a few things we need to last us the week. (Bread Milk, eggs… cookies. You know stuff like that)  and she zoned out in the car. It was less than five minutes in the car, and she was DONE. I watched a few episodes of FMA last night, as I would rank it as one of the TOP five Anime Ever. Why? The story is complex, but not impossible to follow, they explain it, but they dont’ spell it out. There is a small einsy smidgeon of romance for those who have enough of an imagination to see it — and lots of laughs and hilarity you expect in an Anime. It’s re-watchable, which is desirable in an anime, and if you watch the movie too, it has a pretty good ending. I realized that even though i wasn’t tired I probably better go to bed (and thusly did) as Katie would probably be rising early. She didn’t really. She’s a cuddle bug though, and wants to cuddle you when sleeping. I don’t mind having someone next to me when sleeping, however I do not enjoy being burrowed into while sleeping. So I ended up sleeping upsidedown on the bed as Katie chased me (in a sleepy state) trying to nuzzle next to me. Scott brought home donuts, which make me say yay!

I’m excited about my Brother’s impending marriage… is impending the right word? That makes it sound forboding I think.  Impending… Upcoming would be better. Let’s just go with that. Upcoming wedding! Much better. I still haven’t met his fiancee, however I’m not often in Salt Lake. The majority of my day occurs looking otuside at some beautiful foliage/scenery, wishing I were anywhere but here (No offense to my co-workers, but i think if people were paid to live life, we’d all go for that job instead of the one we have.) They’ve opened new positions at work for “Customer Advocacy” However I won’t be applying. Mostly because I hate angry customers. Really. Sorry angry customers, you should work with someone who will be calm in dealing with you, and won’t need an antacid prescribed just to work with you.

Anyway– Off to work!
Derringer Meryl [Hiho Hiho, it’s off to work I go] Out

yes, I slept all day. I did a few  other things like cleaned the house in a few different places– but If I had to sum today up in a word, it would be sleep. 🙂 It was goooooooooooood.

I seem to have hit the exhaustion stage. Who would have thunk. I am not really appreciative of this stage as I have a lot of stuff to do, and usually not a ton of time to do it in…. so exhaustion is not an option really.

We had tomato soup for dinner, and Katie actually refused to eat her grilled cheese, it was very very odd.

Derringer Meryl [long day… of sleeping] Out

I am, as tradition dictates, finishing up Dr. Horrible for the weekend. I will probably re-watch it tomorrow so that Katie can watch it with me. She usually does.

I will cover some lighter news before heading on to my more heavy topic. So we did do pictures today, Katie was rough. BUT I think we’ll have some wicked awesome pictures. We did get all of our to-do list done. Mandarin Loved her gift, which was a quilt, I will put up some pictures tomorrow. they are pictures taken with my cell phone so they aren’t SUPER high quality, but hey, some pictures are better than no pictures, right? I am absolutely exhausted from today. Scott can say so triple as he is often very very tired, and we went out walking around the garden. I had a lot of fun. I’m SUPER sore from it though. that just speaks to my physicality, right? Yeah I’m pathetic. On to the serious stuff.

This might be a bit morbid– Please if you are pregnant, plan to be pregnant, or are often made nervous by talking about serious subjects– please skip my blog for today

Are you listening?

Please don’t enter this haphazardly.

*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

A friend of mine via the internet suffered a still birth in March 2007, and while it was hard to see pictures of her wonderful son, and his funeral (hard for me personally) I can’t imagine people who would tell her to not discuss her loss. Maybe because I feel for her in a way. More sympathy than empathy– I couldn’t possibly imagine how horrific that would feel– but her baby (baby K I will call him) was important to her, and she is an important person to me, so I would never wish for her to stop sharing her story. It’s a hard thing to love and lose a baby. Complicated and rough.

(interjection here: I am fine in my pregnancy to my awares, however I am writing this post in a ‘every baby is a miracle’ kind of way…)

No one understands the pain that a mother (or a woman who was to become a mother) who has not felt that loss. I dont’ mean to deminish those who have not lost, but I believe deeply it is a pain only a mother can understand. It rocks you to the core. The fear of a lost child is earth shaking. No matter what state of life that child is in.

The title to this post makes me think of Pink Floyd’s The Wall But at the same time I’m really wondering if anyone is out there…

It is possible to comment. I wish I had a big Arrow pointing to them, but comments can be left by clicking the number UNDER the date on each post. Please comment? I’ll cry if you don’t. Since I”m pregnant– that’s not really that hard of a task.

I won an ebay bid for some maternity clothes. I’m super excited. I don’t really feel very comfortable talking too much about my pregnancy. I have a very uneasy unhappy feeling about the whole thing. I carry a lot of guilt about it. I feel like someone is mad at me, and honestly everyone says they’re not– so what’s my deal. I think I’M mad at me. Which sounds retarded, but I wanted to lose a lot more weight then I did. I wanted to be in a better place before this happened. But I can’t be upset about this, I should have been more responsible. Anyway. I just feel really guilty. I do. I just do. I even felt guilty a bit towards the end of my pregnancy with katie– but I don’t want to talk about that.  Let’s move on– and not focus on my guilty concious.

Tonight I’ll finish Mandarin’s present for the shower tomorrow, and then (in a whirlwind of activity) I will be going to IPG to get our pics taken by the magnificent Amy Lee (NO not the singer. Before you say it… NO.) and then we will stop and pick up a hack saw and Jig saw (If possible) in WVC and then bustle back home so we can pack up stuff and go to the shower. Poor Scott will probably be exhausted. I am hoping there will be a nice block of time between the shower and our photo shoot that he will be able to get some sleep in, also I’ll be driving tomorrow, so he can sleep in the car.

Scott usually brings home breakfast on Fridays (in tradition) I was pretty grumpy as Katie insisted on sleeping in our bed this morning. (This habit is not a favorite of mine, and is an EXTREME pain when Scott has the night off of work) I let her do it, and was ok for most of the night she conked out really well… I don’t know what’s so great about our bed– but in any case… I was trudging to the dining room when Scott asked if I had seen the corkboard and I told him no (I don’t usually check it unless I know there is a bill i need to pay stuck to it… So I went back and looked at it, and he’d bought me tickets to Twilight! Opening night!!!!

I’m so excited. He arranged for his mom to watch Katie and everything. So me and Drama Queen (if she’s available) will be seeing our favorite vampire novel turned into a movie on November 21st at MIDNIGHT!! I’m so enthused. Scott is VERY thoughtful, and sweet… I’m SO lucky!

Scott’s not a huge Twilight fan, so for him to organize for me to have a night out, I SUPER appreciate it!!

I’m SOOOO excited! GOOOO Twilight!

Derringer Meryl [Yay!!] Out