Undone

I haven’t really slept in over a week, except for today. I came home from …. I think it was the Game Crazy, or did i go somewhere after? I don’t know, but i slept until… nearly eleven.

Exhaustion…. Deathly helpful.

Currently listening to: My angry music. Okay, so I tell people, angry music, makes me feel better. And it does, sometimes, and other times– it makes me more angry. Right now, i think it’s helping me from going insane and doing things not so … helpful to me. *smirks* Red, i think you know what i’m talking about….. maybe ;D. Who knows. I’m barely coherent.

I was thinking today as i made my cookies…. (For Marco) about how some addictions aren’t that bad. Like the addiction to air. I mean I can’t live without it. [addict: to devote or surrender (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively] Yeah, that. I get addicted to people, but unlike heroine or crack, you can’t go pick it up off the street for a pretty penny. When you’re addicted to somebody, they can say NO, and walk away.

It hurts.

And that person never sees you when you aren’t getting a fix. They don’t know what you’re like when you’re strung out and not getting what you need. Oh but people can vouch. I’m addicted to a lot of people. Like Red. When she went to DC I nearly killed Staples. Poor Poor Staples. *spaces for a few minutes*

And I mean, there’s nothing you can do, you can’t get help for something like that. Cheeze and crackers. If I told my therapist that i thought i was addicted to people (in a non-sucking their blood sense) she’d probably send me off to the looney bin.

How un-helpful.

And my kidneys hurt, for some reason. *shrugs* i’m sure i’ll understand in the morning.

I was discussing with Marco how people have been irreversibly screwed up through televsion and the media. I mean, you see Orlando Bloom so much and then you sorta start to want to… like… marry him, or possibly screw him, or something. And back in the day, that didn’t happen. You knew like five people your age and of the opposite sex. They were your choice for sexual fantasies, or whatever. I’m not even sure people back in the day HAD sexual fantasies. *shrugs* But see, no one talked about it. I mean, if you thought keeping up with the Jones’ was hard in the fifties, try knowing about their sex life and THEN keep up with them. *sighs* Sure, sharing is caring, but for the love of God, keep something to yourself.

I mean i don’t NEED to know the last time Angelina Jolie had sex, and with who… and it’s her right to share, but i dont’ like to hear about it. Besides that, I’ve seen more of her body than I have of my own, and i’m DAMN sure i didn’t want to.

this is the blessing of the television. I know these things because of it. Entertainment rules our lives, and we want to think that we own it, and that we’re it’s master, but in all honesty, we’re our Id’s bitch at this point in time. It says “I want to Get laid, NOW” and so we do who ever is near by. Think i’m lying? I’m not. My Id has tried it, tried to pull stuff like that on me. I’m just… over active thought pattern.

How else could i live and be so pure? Ah yes, the thinking… a curse… and sometimes a blessing. How I hate thee thinking.

Oh, Yeah, did i tell you? i’m a closet Britney spears fan. I hate myself….

Derringer Meryl [Something…. uninhibited] Out