Undone

justabout to leave for work–

but i thought it was worth mentioning, because of my obsession, that Dido’s new CD is out today. Go buy it. She deserves to be rich. I said so.

My Co-worker (a great fan of Avril Lavigne) Said this song reminded him of me…. and my inability to express my feelings for HIM (You know….)

I’m tugging at my hair

I’m pulling at my clothes

I’m trying to keep my cool

I know it shows

I’m staring at my feet

My cheeks are turning red

I’m searching for the words inside my head

[Pre-Chorus]

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you’re worth it

You’re worth it

Yeah

[Chorus]

If I could say what I want to say

I’d say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

It don’t do me any good

It’s just a waste of time

What use is it to you

What’s on my mind

If ain’t coming out

We’re not going anywhere

So why can’t I just tell you that I care

[Pre-Chorus]

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you’re worth it

You’re worth it

Yeah

[Chorus]

If I could say what I want to say

I’d say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

What’s wrong with my tongue

These words keep slipping away

I stutter, I stumble off

Like I’ve got nothing to say

[Pre-Chorus]

(Cause) I’m feeling nervous

Trying to be so perfect

Cause I know you’re worth it

You’re worth it

Yeah

Yes I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

If I could say what I want to say

I’d say I wanna blow you away

Be with you every night

Am I squeezing you too tight

If I could say what I want to see

I want to see you go down

On one knee

Marry me today

Yes, I’m wishing my life away

With these things I’ll never say

These things I’ll never say

Things I’ll Never Say, Avril Lavigne

Derringer Meryl [I never could say it to your face] Out

So it’s been a while, I’m sorry. I really am. But no worries, I’ve been writing everyday at school, in my book.

I’m sure you’re thrilled. I know I am. *smiles* Umm… Let’s see. Oh I know.

Work- I got (braces herself) screwed over at work. I lost $150 dollars thanks to the help of a short change artist. *THP, and raspberries* That just proves me right, you can’t trust people with mullets. (J/k) lets see, what else.

I had a horrid cold last week, it was not so fun, I still have it now, but that’s my own fault, some how.

I got a new favorite song. *smiles* Sk8er boy By Avril Lavigne. I love it. I love the parody that my friend wrote to it. It’s all good.

What else…. Ummm.

School blows. I’m praying everyday that someone won’t find this like after I’ve killed every annoying person at school, which is basically all of them. INCLUDING MY GYM TEACHER!

What is the point of having Gym count towards Graduation. If it wasn’t for that flipping class, I’d be scott free. I hate it. I hate gym. I hate PE, I hate the idea of being graded for how physically fit I am. That’s stupid. Back in the good days they’d just give you a period of time to run and play. It was called Recess. For those of you who are still fortunate enough to have Recess, ENJOY IT. Soon enough you’ll have GYM where you have to run the mile and crappy things like that. Or possibly you’ll have to lift weights. *growls* I HATE GYM!!!!

Soon I’ll get around to fixing this page up again (IE changing this page.) and then It’ll be all pretty. 🙂

Anyway, I’m out for a while.

Derringer Meryl [Underneath It all] Out

I figured I’d post a real entry, instead of just lyrics to how i was feeling.

I bought the Our Lady Peace CD today. It’s called Gravity. I have fallen in love, how sad.

Some people might be confused at that statement… I can’t blame them, tv glorified the idea. I fell in love with love at a young age because of movies like Cinderella and Snow White. I spent my Elementary years looking for my Prince Charming, when I should have focused on more important things like…. Umm… Subtraction and what not.

I wanted so bad to be happy. I wanted to live in my own little castle, with my husband, and leave my house.

That hasn’t changed, I still yearn to leave my house.

I suppose that’s sad. I know I have it great here. I know that my parents love me, but that doesn’t mean i can deny the abusive tenancies…. that surround my childhood and life today. It’s not something I want to focus on, but the sooner I find that fetching prince the better. He’ll be my one way ticket out of here.

Sure that wasn’t what Cinderella was thinking when she went to the ball, but you can’t tell me she didn’t want to leave her home.

My head is light, and my eyes are heavy. I don’t want to sleep though, i know what i’ll dream about and it’s not something i’m really looking forward to. It hurts to dream. No I take that back, it doesn’t hurt to dream it hurts to wake up from the dream. It aches in my body to shake myself from the nightly delusions of splendor to the drab appearance of reality.

It saddens me. Everything does. Even things that once made me happy. all that makes me happy now is reading stories and watching movies.

I was never an active girl, so it’s okay with me that i literally fry in the sun.

OHHHH i’m sure you think that’s a joke, that i don’t really fry in the sun. Well here’s a reality check, I do. I would die if i spent more than three hours in the sun. Okay, Die is an exaggeration. I’d get deathly ill, and if it wasn’t taken care of quickly, THEN i’d die. So the whole basking in the sunlight with my love, is dashed all to hell.

I wouldn’t mind spending time in the sun with someone I really loved. I mean, Really really really loved. Someone who was persistent enough in their love of me, they’d make sure I’d get water, even though I’m a ditz. They’d watch me drink it…. make sure i was okay.

They’d hold my hand in the shade when I got dizzy.

Enough of that. I really don’t feel like imagining scenes that will never happen. Not with HIM nor with anyone.

No one makes me feel complete. Not yet anyway. They make me feel nice, and stuff… but not… complete.

I want to be complete. I feel like I’m walking around with half my mind in another body. I want to have someone finish my sentences, and not feel all funny and stupid about it after wards.

Did I mention I have a vivid imagination? I can see these scenes in my head. I can see them play out, and I can almost feel the breeze on my face, and my hair lightly moving around my face…… leaning against a large tree in a park, as I watch them play…. they’re playing Horse… You know the basketball game where you spell out horse, I never understood that game.

I want someone to remove the imagination portion of my brain. If you can do that, Please…. email me.

Derringer Meryl [Thought that I was going crazy] Out

(*+=Pancakes taste good with Gardinias=+*)

Finally finished the second season of Buffy.

You don’t know the joy it gives me. *smiles*

Uneasiness settles over me though. I haven’t been feeling the best ever, I have writers block and I am unsure of what is going wrong with — well me.

Who knows… any takers.

No? Oh, well that doesn’t shock me much

The winter here is cold and bitter….. I claw for solid ground

am saddened suddenly– very suddenly. Maybe I should go and sleep… sleeping is good. I enjoy doing that… very much so.

I got new songs– So you’ll see them spotting throughout my new entries… I happen to adore new music, and even some old music that I’m introduced to —

Like Sarah McLaughlin’s Full of Grace Pretty song, pretty words…

Also I have new Anthony Stewart Head songs, well they’re new to me, I have no idea how old they actually are…

James Marsters sings in one of the songs I got. I love that. He’s such a good singer too. He plays guitar and a little bass apparently. I’m amazed since I can’t even play the piano, or the Violin.

*kicks musical instruments* I’m just no good at them.

Derringer Meryl [And you just don’t seem to understand] Out