Undone

I don’t mean african american, just… all out attractive. In case you haven’t seen the show Archer (Don’t Google this show mom, haha) Archer is a Secret agent, who has to work with his mom (and boy does he have mommy issues) his ex girlfriend, and her new boyfriend. YAY! Oh and it’s a little bit like James Bond, only everyone thinks you’re a dork, and says so. haha. It’s really quite funny (Think, Venture Brothers-esque) But Lana (pictured above) is the ex girlfriend, and she walks around in her sweater dress and I swear to you only her hips move. Ok Ok… I’m going to take a break here while you shake off the fact that I am NOT a lesbian. It’s ok. I can wait.

Done? Seriously this girl is SO pretty and so attractive (yes I’m aware she’s a cartoon!!) that it just makes me want to stare. And honestly it’s not how she’s drawn 😉 It’s the confidence she exudes. Which she does. She’s a bossy boots, and she knows how she wants things. I would like to have  dose of that, please!!! Confidence is key! And there is nothing (i can vouch here, because I used to be like this) more sexy than a confident person. Someone who is comfy in their own skin, and loves themselves… that is what people are drawn to, genuinely. Sure you can con and trick people into liking you, or liking what you tell them about you, or the facade you put up– but genuine attraction (physical, emotional, etc) is all about Confidence.

I’m going to get me some of that.

Confidence that is.

Derringer Meryl [BAM!] Out

I don’t enjoy being depressed. If I miss a day of my medication, i feel very off kilter, and like I have lost my grip on reality. I imagine, at least a little bit that this is how people in the movie inception feel. I suppose though, that Inception in its self is a completely other blog post.

Sorry if this all sounds kind of melancholy. As I mentioned I missed ONE dose of my meds this weekend, and I am fighting the sensation of being shoved under water. It’s quite un-fun actually.  I had a good weekend, spent some time with Carebear and her Mom and Katie had tons of fun with her little girl. They (all three, Audrey included) have a great time together. It was much better than being at home. I find when I am unoccupied the bad negative thoughts have a chance to sneak in and plant themselves in my brain. it’s Been hard to keep occupied, but luckily I have been watching a lot of netflix, which has Xena on it. Which I have to say is MUCH more campy than I remember it. haha. Now. If I could find the way to connect Xena and Buffy (or more directly Joss Whedon) My cult fan girly ness would be satiated. I like things to be related, and link together neatly. IE:  I like Buffy, who was created by Joss Whedon, who also created firefly and Dr. Horrible. Dr. Horrible starred Felicia Day and NPH. Felicia day is in the Guild (and writes it too) and NPH is in HIMYM, that Allyson Hannigan is also in, she was in Buffy. Joss Whedon also has worked on Glee, (along with NPH) The office, Oh and he’s worked with Nathan Fillion (dreamy) who is on Castle.  Felicia Day has been on House (another fav) and on Lie to Me (classic!) Spreading the joy of things that link together further. *sigh* Oh and Let’s not even get into Wil Wheaton. His joy makes me all gooey. Not literally. That would be bad.

I am pretty burned out on Twilight. If I had the time/energy to find a nice new background, you bet your bippy I’d be changing it. But I can’t think of anything. I would like something classic and dark. Simply because if it’s dark I don’t have to change too much on the layout. Also I find dark colors to be more sleek and clean looking. Simplistic.

I wish i could still write. i wish the poetry and pain could just flow out of me.  Like lancing a cyst. Just watch it all drain away.  I wish the things I said weren’t trite and stupid. I wish people believed me.  Since no one does, I don’t even believe myself anymore. Do you know what kind of insanity that causes? To think your ownself a liar? Your own psyche divided against its self.  It’s painful. Eventually you just become numb. Why should it be any different? There is no more honesty. No definition of what is real and what isn’t.  It’s all just a game. living inside your head. No real enemy, no real friend. Just shadow puppets, long and lean against the wall. No one to trust or believe.  Everything is wrong, everything is right. Every step is on granite and quick sand.  No way of knowing at what point you’ll sink.  Every person you see a traitor and ally. Deep abiding paranoia and trust residing side by side in your heart. You know that every person loves you, and is going to betray you.

Maybe I have the best grip on reality of all.

Derringer Meryl [being insane is clarity] Out

I do. I’m sure that Carebear will heartily agree, our husbands have been bickering over which is better android or iPhone. and Honestly I can tell you I don’t give a flying rats. Carebear and I usually sit across from each other and say “Blah blah blah” while they talk. Seriously, we say blah blah blah.
We dont’ mind (or at least I don’t) mind technical talk…. most of the time. I mind technical arguments. those are annoying.  I’m just saying that when two geeks (any two geeks) sit down and argue if Picard or Kirk is better or WHATEVER, i’m sick of it. I dont’ want to hear your argument. I don’t want to hear why something else sucks. I just want  to enjoy something that’s good. Why can’t we just be happy and enjoy life and the good things in it?

I’m sick of people who tell me that being a mom is stressful and I should just get used to not being able to relax.

Excuse my french, but that’s Bullshit.

It’s all about taking time for yourself, and having people care about you enough to allow you to take time for yourself. I admit it’s not something that I’m good at, and it’s not something  I’ve taken the time to do. But it’s important!! Otherwise you’ll end up and burned out like me!

Derringer Meryl [dont tell me] out

You know, the bloggers who have actual followers and they get free crap in the mail! THAT KIND!! The Julie/Julia Kind, A Ree Drummond or Crissy from Toy With Me (Mom don’t read that blog. Seriously. Don’t.)

I should get my stuff together and really write something. Sit down, organize and write. I want to be a real writer. I want to be able to have people read my stuff and love it. I’ve got so much to say– now to get a theme, and write it!

Don’t have enough debt to write about getting out of it, don’t have enough talent to cook (I’m lame like that) I only know a little about gardening, and it’s awfully late in the season for it. I could do a geek quilting blog. Or just a quilting blog. I really need to get motivated on my quilting project.

Who knows. Maybe I could write about being a depressed mom who works at a job that makes her insane? (hoohoo?) or maybe I should just stick to fiction 😉

Derringer Meryl [I wish i could find a spot just for me]