Did I mention?

That I started depression medication? Maybe I did. LOL One of the side effects of the med is that you can’t remember fact from fiction. It’s quite annoying. there are things in the past few months that I can’t remember if I really did them or not, or if I just through I did it. It’s … FRUSTRATING. I dont’ like the medicine too much, I don’t really feel like it’s helping. I just need to find the time to go to my doctor and get adjusted, or just get a new medicine. Since I feel pretty much the same as I did before if not worse.

depression is the damndest thing. Nothing interests me much anymore. I look back over my hobbies and think “ugh. I don’t wanna” and I also think “I only was doing that for someone else”

I’ve come to realize that I’m the kind of person that lives her life for other people. Quite frankly I would have been done with this Popsicle stand a long time ago if not for 1) the fact that killing yourself is wrong and 2) people don’t want me to. I do still have times where I forget (sorry for being morbid here people) that people don’t want me to. That people would be sad. That’s the dementia that comes along with depression. You can’t understand or see anything clearly. It’s like looking at the world from really strong prescription glasses(when you have no need for the prescription) Nothing seems to make sense. I am sorry if I’m a bring me down here. I like to speak frankly and honestly about my depression. It weighs on me, and i prefer not to be silent. I have had a hard time this time. Most people probably don’t know that this bout has been nearly 2 years for me. It’s been bad. it has been hard for me to be away from my kids, and when I am with them, I can only think “oh I’ll have to leave again tomorrow” (for work) and sometimes I think they’d be better off without me. I know it’s not true, but… Once again, delusional.

I miss going to the theatre. I am watching the Scarlet Pimpernel on the TV currently and I am looking forward to 110 in the shade and The Scarlet Pimpernel coming to Hale Center Theatre down here. I have never seen 110 in the shade before, but I want to, very much. I have only seen the TV movie of The Scarlet Pimpernel, not the musical, but I look forward to it. 😉 Sink me!

Sir Ian McKellen, you were a handsome Youngman!! 😉

Katie scratched her eye today with my old sunglasses. I feel bad. I was looking at fabric and she was rifling through my purse, and she has been crying ever since. She did get a new pony and some candy out of it. But she’s been a very good girl today, considering that I was not up to being a very active mommy.

Did I mention that Audrey said her first word? YES!  the first weekend of April, she said Mama. I have witnesses. Ok, one witness, but it was my dad, so there you go. The next weekend she said “Dada” so I am quite pleased. No random object realization for her, it’s Mom and dad! 🙂 She is full on Scooting now. which is adorable. And a little annoying, We’d prefer her to crawl, but I doubt if it should happen at this point.

Derringer Meryl [Sweet Thang] Out

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