Undone

Scott and I have been watching our finances, and we found that a lot of our money was going to food. Snacks, eating out and then regular groceries. WHOO it added up! So now, we’re planning menus for two week periods. Hopefully next week I can do some casseroles and freeze them. I hope so anyway. Mostly because I don’t mind cooking, I mind cooking after a long day, in a hot Kitchen… etc etc. So hopefully this will help eliminate that. I’m going to cook a bunch at once, so we ‘ll stop eating out so much! 🙂

Also, if you want to come and keep me company while I go on this cooking adventure next week, That would be great!

We’re also venturing into Potty training-ville next week. Katie is super psyched about undies. This makes me excited we have so much upstairs space that is un-carpeted. We’re going to be spending much of sunday in the kitchen, hanging out in our undies (well Katie in hers, me in my pj’s) learning how to pee on the potty!

I’m a little sad to be leaving work, but I know it’s time. In no way a reflection on the company it’s self, I have been really stressed about work, I come home and I am not the best mommy I could be, and it has been contributing to my depression a lot.  It is time for me to leave. We are parting on amicable terms. I prefer it that way. I will miss the good people I’ve worked with, and have had the opportunity to meet and work with a lot of very nice and friendly people. Some of which have already gone on before me. I will miss the people, and hope to keep in touch with many of them. They are good people.

this new job I’m going to be starting will be the first job I’ve started in 6 years where I don’t know ANYONE I work with. I’ve only done that before at Convergys. That being said, I only still talk to two or three people I worked with at convergys, but the job didn’t really lend its self to making friends. Everyone was in and out of there like clockwork. No time to get to know anyone. Anyway… Its intimidating to be  yourself. To be … comfortable with complete strangers.

I feel though, that after last week’s complete break down in therapy, I feel like I am building up. I’ve always had a problem expressing myself. A big problem. I will hold things in. But lately, I have been much better. Being honest in my communication. I wouldn’t say that I’m blunt, but I tell the truth. I don’t hold it in. Which is a great thing. It’s healthier all over. Mostly because if you’re telling people what bothers you, they can adjust… or I guess more exactly they can know how you’re feeling and you can work together to make sure that any bad feelings you have won’t come back. I do … still hold back some. Mostly because I think about “Is this really that big of a deal” and try and calm myself down.

I helped with CareBear’s baby shower. I thought it went well. I’m fairly good (If I do say so myself) at picking activities. Not everyone participated in the balloon toss, which is fine, because … I figured on that 🙂 Sukie and Mrs. O did a great job on the food, it was delicious. Then Mama O took me out to get my nails done. It was so nice to be able to relax, and Katie and audrey had fun with Uncle Frik and later on with little Squirt. It was a nice day. I don’t do things for myself, without prodding. I am not… actively thinking about myself. Which is unfortunate. I am a person too, I deserve for good things to happen for me! I deserve to be happy!

Side note: I hate when people say things like that “I deserve to be happy” as if it’s a thing they’ve earned. it’s not like… doing work and then being happy is payment. I guess a better statement would be “I have a right to pursue happiness” Because you don’t just get happiness.   It doesn’t just happen to you.

Just my thoughts for the day

Derringer Meryl [off for now] out