back in the day… I was miserable a lot. I would let the way I feel eat at me a lot. I’m sitting here listening to Christmas music, at what is usually my favorite time of year– feeling like a horrible human. Trying my best to accept life the way it is, instead of the way I wish it was.

I don’t think it’s been much of a secret that this baby was a surprise. I have been wallowing in wishing that it wasn’t so…. and in all my wishing it wasn’t that way, feeling horrible for it. I’m a planner, and I don’t like it when plans go awry. I have been trying to suppress my wishing it wasn’t so, and my horrible feelings for it. I keep telling myself that I’m a selfish person, because for all of my wishing and wanting, I know at least 10 women who would love to have a surprise like this. Surprise Surprise Surprise. I feel weird when people ask me how I’m feeling, I don’t know what to say, or how to say it. I’ve actually, to be frank, been quite well this pregnancy. At the same time it’s been miserable. My sciatic pain is kicking in and every complaint or ache and pain makes me feel guilty.  Maybe that’s why my blood pressure is so high? Could depression do it?

Despite my aches and pains through my pregnancy with Katie, i was on the whole very happy and excited. I was caught unaware, and upset this time. My 3 hours a day with katie have been sliced in half at the prospect of a sibling. I feel horrible.  I feel guilty. I am not even 12 weeks pregnant and I’m ready to be done.

Derringer Meryl [tired] Out

Written by admin in: Uncategorized | Tags: , ,

Powered by WordPress | Aeros Theme | WordPress Themes