Undone

I got to see Akira finally. I watched it, and I don’t see what the great big fuss is about. I got a lot of people who said “I Love that Anime, it’s so great.” and a whole lot of people who said “It’s okay, It’s just … wierd.” Whatever. Either way, i could take it or leave it. Berserk blows it out of the water in gore though. The story was kinda hard to follow. I saw all the toys I owned, though one of them didn’t show up until the end. *shrugs*

I got to see Scott tonight, for like three minutes (if that) I went to stalk him at work. (hee hee) He said I should have told him so he could have taken his break at that time. I wanted to surprise him though, and that I did. Plus I wanted to show him that I wasn’t dead. Which brings up the fact that I was pretty sick all day today… or yesterday, depending on how you look at it. Anyway. I had vertigo pretty bad, i had problems walking from my bedroom to the front room. It wasn’t that my legs were weak I just ran into like fourty things from point a to point b. Sometimes it was just one thing several times…. like the wall. And I couldn’t speak. I woke up and had a little bit of a voice, but later I couldn’t speak at all (that was around lunch time) We weren’t sure if it was lack of sleep, or allergies, but I slept from two in the morning to five in the evening in pretty much one solid swoop.

I got to see Care Bear tonight too. She’s gonna be going back to Colorado soon. 🙁 I should make her come up a day early. I want to go Roller Skating with her. I want to go do something fun. Stupid School just seems to get in the way of us doing something fun together. 🙁 I can’t believe that next Wednesday she’ll be gone…. and won’t be back until the week before my wedding! How odd! She’ll be back in the fall (for another year of school) and what not, but i miss her. I want to go do something just us before I get married. Not a wedding shower, which I’m glad she’llbe coming to, but something fun that just we do. I’ve been a jerk lately (since last year?) and dragged someone else along on our fun days. :S Blah. I’m all the sudden disappointing in myself.

I’m a horrid friend sometimes. I’d drag boys along, or other friends, when it should have been just me and Care Bear having a good time. I miss when it was us as kids, and me and her sisters would play dolls or something. I remember we walked to the rec center one day, and it was SO hot. And once we were playing at my house and ordering pretend pizza and her sister wanted stuff crust pizza with marshmellows. And she loves to chase me up and down the aisles of Blockbuster (or Media Play) with Pr0n because she thinks it’s funny that i think it’s dirty. I love her. She’s great. She puts up with my stupid little things. She has stood with me through so much. Like once we liked the same guy, and he actually liked her back (and he didn’t like me) and there could have been a huge fight, and a whole lot of hate…. but There wasn’t. Because we were really open about it, and we’d known each other eight years at that point. I used to practically live at her house. She’s seen me throw up before. I’ve seen her cry. We only went to the same school for one year. We met in the first grade. We’ve flung underwear at each other in GAP body. She’s one of the funniest people I know.

And I sorta feel like a scuz bucket for not being better to her. Of course, i generally feel like a scuz bucket right now because I’m ignoring most of my friends. Like Red, who I emailed the other day, and I haven’t seen anyone from work in ages (missing out on work because of schedule follies…) I miss Guts and The Mouth. In a way i sorta miss Artemis. I miss Gert and Monkey. (Though I saw Monkey at school briefly the other day)

and Oh my Heck, it’s been forever since I talked to Marco!

Derringer Meryl [Feeling a little badly] Out

I’m beginning to like my stress management class more and more. All I’m doing is sleeping now days (Wahoo!) in class. It’s really nice. We’ve been doing these relaxation techniques, and I heard one today that I really liked. 🙂 it was short (about five minutes) and it really worked.

I slept through the other two relaxation techniques (mostly).

So while the stress is on for finals it feels like it does when you’re at the last two weeks in High school and no one wants to do anything because they’re exhausted from prepping for finals, and teachers don’t want to grade five hundred more papers, so they just cancel stuff. (I don’t mind, I just feel like i’m wasting my time) You have to go to class, because something important might happen– but you go and you wish you could have known ahead of time that you could have skipped and not missed a darn thing.

I’m so tired of going to pointless classes. Tired of doing this crappy in between here and there work. No one cares– so–

why am I here again?

I’d much rather be with Scott. This is getting infuriating. >:{

I’m beginning to feel less stressed about class though. (wahoo!) and I’m totally not worrying about the wedding so much. I don’t NEED to spaz, I have Scott helping me out (with choices and such) then my mom, and her sisters (my aunts) my wonderful sister-laws (Sukie and Antigone) are helping with a Bridal shower… and Antigone and her sister are helping with the flowers (maybe? I’m not quite sure, it’s okay either way) And Care Bear comes around and we hang out (I try to, sometimes i just suck and have to work or something) and she keeps me laughing. Seriously one of my greatest friends

The main thing here is– that i have a great support system, and i don’t need to worry about this all by myself.

Derringer Meryl [Gonna Go Check up on Red] Out

So I’ve been sucking uberly at updating more often. I don’t know what it was about THIS week, but it killed me. It’s getting hard to go to all of my classes (icky classes) but I keep in mind that I only have about eighteen more days, and I’m okay. (wahoo!)

I went only to my psychology class today, I was simply exhausted when I woke up this morning, and i’m not really sure why. *shrugs* So i pretty much stayed home and slept until around eleven-thirty and then we had to take dax to class (silly boy) and I went with my mom while she picked out stuff for Scott and I’s wedding quilt. (the blue hand embroidered one) I was really exhausted, and slept in the car too.

I went to pick up some boxes from Animeboi’s store (he’s also known as Miroku for his lecherous tendencies) As I was leaving he touched my arm. My mom made a big deal about it (in a joking kind of manner) and asked if I was going to tell Scott. (Which I did by the way) I brushed it off. He had his chance at me (He did too) and passed it up. Now I’m off limits and he seems interested. 😛 Boys are stupid…. all of them except for Scott.

I played my practical joke on Scott tonight (I spent all day thinking about it) I told him my ring went down the drain… Yeah. So it wasn’t as ‘neat’ as his was, but dang it, I had only a little time to work with, and a very cynical person TO work with. So, yeah. He said I got him a little bit. (Only a little) but he hasn’t been gotten in a while, so it was okay. I pulled my ring back out (it was in the ring box) and put it on. It’s been causing a bit of grief, as it enjoys stabbing Scott and I to no end.

Scott’s best friend, (who I do believe NEEDS a nickname) and his best friend’s girlfriend came over tonight to hang out. It’s not like we talked (the four of us) really. it was cuddlesville on the couch (me and Scott) and makeout-town on the recliner.

I don’t know. I’m not into huge pda’s. I love kissing Scott, but right now, I’m not super comfortable with kissing him in front of peoples. *thinks* good grief, how to explain this? I’m a pretty private person. That’s why I talk quiet (and everyone has to ask twelve times what I say) and I’m pretty shy. I think i’ll be better after we’re married. *shrugs* i can’t really say. Also, I’m with Scott on the whole Don’t want to make out and ignore our friends type thing. (Not that my friends come around too often… but the concept) Besides, i like cuddling, I like it a lot. I remember when I was younger, i was always giving hugs. The specialist can recount that. I was always stuck about his waist giving him a hug. Of course that was undeniably lame for him, considering he was in High School, and trying to be the uber cool. I think that sorta broke me of my hugging tendencies. (Along with the years of TV conditioning “Boys don’t like clingy girls.”) Now it’s so nice to hug someone and just… hold on.

Anyway. I have so much to do, and so little time to do it in…. I better go read and soak and what not. 😀

Derringer Meryl [My Pocky Seduced you?] Out

I worry about the new situation that’s going on here. (check darthyoshi.com under today’s Journal) First off, I worry about Scott and his best friend. I don’t want to cause any tension, and I think all of the me-causing-tension-ness is gone, now it’s like it’s still there, it’s just for a different reason.

Nextly, I’m still getting over my own stupid jealous things. *raises her hands up to still the oncoming rush of comments or thoughts* I said I was okay with it, because I should be, and this weaker part of me is being stupid. Very stupid, and not putting faith in God, not to mention Scott. I’ve always been a very jealous person (see previous vat fights, and outright verbal arguments) I need to get over that. I am getting over that. I guess i’m pulling a “fake it till you make it” thing.

Oh, and I will make it.

Derringer Meryl [being silly] Out

Hurrah for spring break, that’s what I have to say. Because of Spring break, i got to spend nearly my entire day with Scott. *beams* So– we went to the mall– originally in the thought to go look at wedding rings for Scott. (as in the one he’ll wear for to keep the girls from mauling him :)) Well, the guy that i know at the jeweler in the mall didn’t work yesterday (or today, what a lazy bum) He’s a really nice guy. *waves her bucket o stuff* I have his card, but I got it when he worked at another location (downtown instead of in the ghetto like he does now…) we went to see Marcus. Scott found out that Worms 3D came out, and now wants that really badly. (I also informed him later that Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes came out too. Luckily it’s not as expensive of a game– it’s only $39.99, which really isn’t bad for a new game)

After that, I took Scott to meet J-bob (former co-worker) and found him in a rotten mood. (he seems to always be in one lately) So we left before saying goodbye. Psh. I admit it, J-bob used to be one of my best friends. I told him lots. Though< I told Marco more, I told Friendjamin a lot too… But I don’t know. J-bob used to tell me all sorts of neat stories. I felt a really neat connection. we had a lot in common. 🙂 Who knows where that all went. In the garbage when I left. Bah. Who cares.

I had to go to work last night, so Scott stayed at home and played Magic with Dax. I got confronted with the “You’re changing” discussion. I think it’s more of a mood i was in than a permanent change. I understood what the Mouth was saying, and I understood what he meant by me being different around Scott. I am. I’m much happier. I’m a different person now too– Change happens. Happens to everyone. I usually hate change, but this isn’t so bad. 🙂 Not bad at all. The mouth said I was much…. more… snooty I think is the best word I can think of for it.

I don’t know. I just didn’t find the uber metalic armor as funny as he and Guts did. I was sorta in a funk. I don’t know. Maybe my brain wasn’t in the right place to find it so funny. Scott doesn’t get to see it (luckily) but I tend to get a little grouchy when he’s not around. It’s not charming. It’s me all stressed out. Maybe it’s some sort of addiction. Blah. *gets a bad feeling, like after kicking a puppy* I wonder if that’s a bad thing…. *uneasy face*

Well, now i’m aware, I guess I can work on it. I don’t want to get rid of the addiction, I just need to control my actions when Scott’s not around, so I don’t become some sort of uber beyatch.

Derringer Meryl [I loves you Piggies] Out