Undone

I hate school. I hate it SO MUCH! *pulls on her hair* I still don’t have my book back for (this is ironic) my stress management class. I loaned it to a friend (i almost said leant) and STILL do not have it back. I’m exhausted from worrying about this blasted Dead Poets Society paper that’s due on thursday (heh, also ironic) that is only worth 10 points. I have enough extra credit to not do it, and be fine.

I still did it all the same. I have a psychology paper that’s pretty much due on thursday too. i have no idea what to write it on. I thought about doing it on ADD, and I’m just– i just don’t want to do it. I’m totally resisting homework of all sorts and kinds.

Don’t get me wrong. I love learning. I could sit down and learn all day– just not in an institute of learning. heh. Once again with the irony. I hate teachers. They think they’re so great. Yeah, they should be respected, they did a lot to get where they are, I’m sure. I don’t think I need to spit polish their shoes because they graduated from college though. I hoped it would be better in college, but it seems to be worse. I think it’s some kind of power trip because they’re lording power over another person. that causes people to go a little nuts.

I think I’m also pretty grouchy because I haven’t seen Scott since Sunday. Suuuure, we spent all day together, and you think that’d tide me over for a while…. but…. no. I was reading a book today (I’ll spare you the title, since I’m sure if i told you, you’d revoke how much you wanted to know.) and i was sitting in my car before class reading it, and I just sorta freaked out. It was the first time I was really actually nervous about getting married. Just the whole shebang. And scared. It was odd. I admit, there is no where else I’d rather be than with Scott. No where. The idea of being with him forever is a welcome one. I love the idea. I love that we’re going to be together, forever. At the same time though, it’s a looming thought. I’m scared of all those other people I know who (most of them) just got married “until death do you part” and they’re not happy at all. I know Scott’ll never stop loving me. So i’m not sure where the freaky part is. I just sorta … I think it’s me. I’m scared of what i’ll be like. what if I become a naggy wife who won’t let him do the things he likes (ala video games and coding)? What if I go berserk and say something I don’t mean? What will I do when the happy fuzzy bunny feeling I have right now inevitably goes away? (as a note here: I could not be happier in my engagement to Scott. that’s what makes me wonder why i have all these stupid feelings. Since I met Scott, I have been so… wow. I don’t know any words for it. Euphoric? In anycase, I don’t know where this all comes from, but I know for a certainty that I love Scott and we are meant to get married to one another.)

I am a panic person. I have anxiety issues. I’m pretty proud of myself, I’ve nearly been off my medication for a year now. I’m going through a pretty stressful (but HAPPY!) period of my life, and i’m dealing well. I worry. I worry too much.

I was driving down a main street from school (SSC) and saw an advertisement for a play (musical/opera thing) that i’d really like to take Scott to. It’s one of my favorites. Absolutely. Basis of my entire sophmore year research paper. i don’t know if he’d like it, but I love the show (i’m not sure how good it’ll be, i’ve only seen it on film) and I’d like to go. I’ll have to look into ticket prices. *smirks*

Well– I’d better work on my Creative Writing homework. I hate doing it, but I have nothing else to do until Scott comes home. :-S

Derringer Meryl [Just a little tired] Out

I have some sort of luck of the irish with mondays or something.

Sunday was great, i got to spend all day with Scott, and we got to hang out iwth some of his friends, and it was just so much fun. I love being with him. We talked about some pretty heavy stuff, too. I’m so grateful that I have him in my life. I just don’t know what i’d do without him.

Back to the horribleness that is Monday. I got woke up this morning by my mom reporting to me once again that I shouldn’t keep Scott out so late. I agree. But it’s like time flies when I’m with him, and i honestly do not know what time it is. *sighs* My mom is right. I don’t want Scott to get sick, because with Diabetes you get REALLY sick, and I don’t want him to get into some sort of crazy car accident…

that would really not be good.

I got to class today, only to remember that i had a huge assignment due today, that I didn’t do because i lent the book to a friend. I have work all day today (after school) which means no Scott-goodness. Then after work i have to re-watch Dead Poets Society so I can take notes on it. Blah. Or I can just write another paper instead. I might do that. I also have a presentation in psychology due on thursday and a paper due by the end of the month.

:-S I do not enjoy college. I do not enjoy being in school. Busy work is of the devil.

and I miss Scott. I’ll be so happy when this semester is over and i can move down there into an apartment or whatever. I don’t really care.I just sorta want to shut the book on this whole school thing. I’d go to work full time and just be a grown up and everything.

I’m SO done with school right now.

Derringer Meryl [I’m not QUITTING persay…] Out

I’m tired of letting you live it up at my expense, I’m exhausted from wedding planning, and only rejuvenated by seeing Scott.

He appreciates me.

On to my day summary 😀

I went to school. I didn’t really want to, I had even considered skipping, but I went and I got to watch Chocolat (the first half) and found out that we’re watching Dead Poets Society in Psychology on Thursday.

Then I got to go out to Lunch with Scott. I beat him finishing lunch (wahoo) though I felt like a stuffed pig. Then we went to look at furniture together. We like similar things, so it’s really easy picking things out together. We found a couch set that we liked. I need to show him the table my mom is going to let us have (heirloom) and show him what’s underneath the oddly colored tablecloth. After that, we had another tickle fight at home. I don’t think I lost, it was just pay to play. 🙂 Which was alright by me. After that I had class, and he had work, so we both had to skedaddle in opposite directions, it was a short visit, but it tided us both over until tomorrow, when we get to spend all day together (I have no school, and he has no work) so he’s coming up early so we can hang out.

I’m sure I”ll be up at six getting ready. I’m all sweaty from the heat today, so I’m gonna get all pretty for scott tomorrow. He says i”m always pretty, but I feel better when at least my hair is styled.

Cheese I’m so lucky to have Scott. 🙂

Anyway, If i go to sleep, then I get to wake up and Scott’ll be here! Wahoo!

Derringer Meryl [All You need is Love] Out

Today, I’m lazy. Sorry ladies and gents. I’ll probably type up my report for yesterday later.

I’ll leave it at it was a good day, I had a good day. I had fun. I had kisses. it was FANTASTIC!

Right. So, I had to write a piece for class today– and so I posted it on my other diary (I have another?? *shifty eyes*) that’s for my poetry and prose. I thought maybe you all would be interested in reading it.

Here ya go ( Note, this link doesn’t work. Sorry!)

Enjoy. I have wedding stuff to go do. Watch as my hair falls out from stress.

Derringer Meryl [Busy Bee] Ou

Hurrah for spring break, that’s what I have to say. Because of Spring break, i got to spend nearly my entire day with Scott. *beams* So– we went to the mall– originally in the thought to go look at wedding rings for Scott. (as in the one he’ll wear for to keep the girls from mauling him :)) Well, the guy that i know at the jeweler in the mall didn’t work yesterday (or today, what a lazy bum) He’s a really nice guy. *waves her bucket o stuff* I have his card, but I got it when he worked at another location (downtown instead of in the ghetto like he does now…) we went to see Marcus. Scott found out that Worms 3D came out, and now wants that really badly. (I also informed him later that Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes came out too. Luckily it’s not as expensive of a game– it’s only $39.99, which really isn’t bad for a new game)

After that, I took Scott to meet J-bob (former co-worker) and found him in a rotten mood. (he seems to always be in one lately) So we left before saying goodbye. Psh. I admit it, J-bob used to be one of my best friends. I told him lots. Though< I told Marco more, I told Friendjamin a lot too… But I don’t know. J-bob used to tell me all sorts of neat stories. I felt a really neat connection. we had a lot in common. 🙂 Who knows where that all went. In the garbage when I left. Bah. Who cares.

I had to go to work last night, so Scott stayed at home and played Magic with Dax. I got confronted with the “You’re changing” discussion. I think it’s more of a mood i was in than a permanent change. I understood what the Mouth was saying, and I understood what he meant by me being different around Scott. I am. I’m much happier. I’m a different person now too– Change happens. Happens to everyone. I usually hate change, but this isn’t so bad. 🙂 Not bad at all. The mouth said I was much…. more… snooty I think is the best word I can think of for it.

I don’t know. I just didn’t find the uber metalic armor as funny as he and Guts did. I was sorta in a funk. I don’t know. Maybe my brain wasn’t in the right place to find it so funny. Scott doesn’t get to see it (luckily) but I tend to get a little grouchy when he’s not around. It’s not charming. It’s me all stressed out. Maybe it’s some sort of addiction. Blah. *gets a bad feeling, like after kicking a puppy* I wonder if that’s a bad thing…. *uneasy face*

Well, now i’m aware, I guess I can work on it. I don’t want to get rid of the addiction, I just need to control my actions when Scott’s not around, so I don’t become some sort of uber beyatch.

Derringer Meryl [I loves you Piggies] Out