mawige, dat is what bwings us togedder today.

I’ve been thinking alot about the whole marriage thing, about why and when and how and what not.

I’ve basically tossed all of my good chances of getting married out the window, especially getting married any time soon (read, within the next year) but if it’s not there, it’s not there, and despite the craziness, you gotta respect the chemistry.

I was talking to Antigone about unconditional love. She says she’s not sure there’s such a thing. I told her I thought i might have experienced the sensation– she asked if it was obsession (see: Compulsive preoccupation with a fixed idea or an unwanted feeling or emotion, often accompanied by symptoms of anxiety.) and I asked her what was the line between obsession and unconditional love? She wasn’t sure there was one, they may even over lap, except in the case of God. I can see that. still. I have friends of mine who i love (in a friendly manner, as friends do) and you couldn’t sway me from that love. No matter what, it’ll be there. Sure, sometimes i’ll be angry, or something, but i’m always open. I’m always here, to be leaned on, to listen, and to give my love away freely. Maybe i just have a stinking high opinion of myself to say that i can do that, but i think i’m doing it as much as I can. Maybe my condition to love is that i know you. People i don’t know irritate me to no end. I have to admit that. *nods* I guess, i’m sorta not as good as I thought i was… but i’m living it as close as I can to it.

Also, we discussed in class today why people drink. It’s not to get drunk like one might assume, it’s to feel love. It lowers your inhibitions, and i guess then you’re open enough to be loved…. how insane.

i guess that’s no worse than being in love and keeping it to yourself, but at least you have something to numb the pain a little, ya know?

Derringer Meryl [Selfesteem the fourth chakra?] Out

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