Undone

I’d like to add, that when I broke up with my first boyfriend, I lost like, twenty pounds. I looked awesome. I looked amazing, and i loved it. i did it so he’d want me back, and I could say no– say “I love the way I am, who I am, and I won’t give the person i am to you, because i know you’ll only bring me down– and i can’t live like that.”

I feel like i’m going in reverse. I feel odd. I stopped my medication (which by the miracle called Science, was making me skinnier, or at least stable) and then i’m getting more depressed, for various reasons, and I hate the idea that i have to go back to therapy just to get my damn medication. I have ADD, therapy won’t make it go away, won’t make it better, and i’m not going to get better… it just won’t happen. Just give me the DAMN miracle pills, so i can be pretty again. So I can be skinny again, and everything will be okay.

*sighs* My body isn’t addicted to the chemicals. I have no need to take them as far as my body is concerned– I just want to take them for emotional reasons. My brain is addicted to the way they make me look. Skinny. Pretty.

Now if i wanted to look Ideal– that’d take about 20 Million in plastic surgery, so i could look like this and not break my back or anything. *shrugs* I work with men who idolize perfect women. I just want to be like that too.

Derringer Meryl [80% chance of starring in a] Out