May
17
2004

Exhausted Shortly

I was just upstairs soaking my foot, and I was thinking about how I would occasionally whine about being alone. Now… I admit, being alone (emotionally in a romantic way) sucks.

But luckily for me, God’s seen fit to provide me with the most perfect man for me. He’s even dealing well with the fact that i get all grouchy and annoyed when i’m stressed out. I expressed to him tonight my genuine fear of him waking up one morning, rolling over, and seeing me, and thinking “What the heck have I gotten myself into?” Scott says he’ll never think that.

I believe him.

I used to have this nagging feeling at my stomach every night as I’d go to sleep. Alone. I hated it. I hate sleeping by myself. Just the act of sleeping alone in my twin size bed– makes me sad. Excuse me, made me sad. Now, Saturday night, I fell asleep watching Van Helsing with Scott. I never slept better. There’s something about sleeping in close confines with someone who cares about you, that makes sleeping easier for me. I don’t know if it’s a science. I don’t really understand it– but I know it’s an absolutely GREAT feeling. Being in love.

I was talking with the Mouth on Saturday. Erm, I was complaining to the mouth on Saturday about how stressed I am. Was/am, whatever. I’ve been a lot more snappy lately. Just, rude. I’ve had a very thin tolerance level too. I don’t mean to be angry and upset… but it feels like a whole lot of nothing is being accomplished sometimes. :S I just sorta freak out. Not a good reason why, i know. It’s not nice to snap and be rude to your loved ones. :( and I do love my family SO much. It’s brain boggling how i can love the people who seem to drive me the most insane so very much. heh.

At this point, i’d like to take a side note, and give a brief shout out to my mom. It’s hard planning a wedding. Especially a wedding like mine. I’m picky, I demand a lot, and it’s tough because we’re trying to cut back on expenses, so we’re doing a lot ourselves. Mom has been so great. Fantastic. She’s SUPER MOM! She’s doing the Bridesmaids (and Maid of Honor) dresses. She’s done/working on two quilts. She’s trying to figure out how we’re doing our flowers (which Scott’s sister is going to help with) She’s driving me to and fro, working on her own life (regular day to day mom stuffage!) and i know she feels like her head is going to explode. There is a lot to do. She’s getting stressed. *points at the computer screen* if you’re one of my siblings, or my fiance, you should express thanks to her. My sibs because I don’t think we will ever fully comprehend how much mom really does for us (I can only hope to be like, 1/4th of the great mom she is) and my Fiancee, simply because my mom has taught me so much, and has made me the fantastic person I am now. Mom holds our family together like glue. She keeps the peace, and smiles through a lot of tough times. My Mom is the best mom ever!!!!

It’s gonna be hard moving out of the house. I’ve never know anything but a life with my parents and sibs. (Sibs have left, but they all seem to eventually return now and then) it’s scary. Becoming part of a new family (which oddly seems like a younger version of my own) and living away from what I know. it’s so …. very odd.

Blah, i’m tired. The nausea has diminished, though a poke in the stomach would be greeted with a slap in the face still.

Derringer Meryl [my tummy!] Out

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