Waxing theoretic.

Sometimes, when I meet or see people (or just plain know people) who are newly engaged, or who are just fresh in love… I envy them.

In marriage it’s easier to remember the fact that someone forgot to take out the trash or that you’ve cooked dinner every night for a month, and that you need a night away from the screaming kids, and you’d love if your spouse would look at you like they used to when it seemed like you were the whole world. It’s easy to forget the good things and hard to forget the bad. In my almost five years of marriage I have learned things that are essential to being happy.  #1) Be honest. All the time. Being honest and being hurtful aren’t the same. I think that’s an important difference most people don’t get. Often you hear someone say something rude and they say “I’m just being honest.” when in all reality they are being malicious. I am horrible at keeping secrets from Scott.  And I like it that way. I like being bothered when I try and keep things from him. I love to talk to him so much that not telling him something is annoying, and I’d rather not.  #2) Communication. You hear Oprah and Dr. Phil and everyone who has ever dispensed advise blather on about how important communication is in a marriage, so people talk and talk to each other and don’t understand why they don’t feel better.  Communication is just as much about talking as it is about listening. Listening to both the words and the tone will help anyone understand their spouse better. #3) Put all of yourself into making the other person happy. This is possibly the best advice I ever got before getting married. I may have never mentioned it before… If you spend all your time thinking and working to make your spouse happy– and they spend all their time to make you happy… It is most assured that you will be happy. It only works if both people are doing it though. #4) Don’t keep track. Don’t think about how you took out the trash, and did the dishes, and changed the diaper, and etc etc. Don’t keep track of what you did, and they didn’t. It’s a start of a fight (in your head) and you’re spending all that time noticing what you’re doing and probably being angry about it– that you don’t even notice what they’re doing.  Don’t keep track. Don’t remember that they asked your oldest to come and get you so they could get into the car and go home. #5) remember. Remember what it was like to be freshly in love. remember what it was like when you couldn’t be away from each other…. as important as it is to forget somethings, it is doubly important to remember your love for each other.

I don’t think my marriage is perfect. Far from it. But it’s good. It’s solid. And I love my husband.

Derringer Meryl [Marriage] Out

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