Undone

Okay, i’ve been making my list for the Open house. It’s of songs that i’d like to be played. 😀 I’m sorta getting stuck, though I was on a roll last night. If you can think of a wedding song (not traditional romantic sap, we like alternative romantic sap, thank you very much) I’ll leave the the list of the songs I have on a list right now, please leave comments if you can think of more songs. I know The Specialist might have a few in mind… right?

Here without you- 3 doors down

Closer to you – Wallflowers

I love you – Sarah McLaughlin

Angel- Sarha Mclaughlin

Why don’t you and i – Santana and Chad Kroeger

i’ll be – Edwin McCain

Embracable You – Gershwin

So Far Away – Staind

One True Love – Semisonic

Heart and Soul – Misc Artists

Eyes On Me – Faye Wong

Can’t take my eyes off of you – Various Artists

Derringer Meryl [I need a shower] Out

I was just upstairs soaking my foot, and I was thinking about how I would occasionally whine about being alone. Now… I admit, being alone (emotionally in a romantic way) sucks.

But luckily for me, God’s seen fit to provide me with the most perfect man for me. He’s even dealing well with the fact that i get all grouchy and annoyed when i’m stressed out. I expressed to him tonight my genuine fear of him waking up one morning, rolling over, and seeing me, and thinking “What the heck have I gotten myself into?” Scott says he’ll never think that.

I believe him.

I used to have this nagging feeling at my stomach every night as I’d go to sleep. Alone. I hated it. I hate sleeping by myself. Just the act of sleeping alone in my twin size bed– makes me sad. Excuse me, made me sad. Now, Saturday night, I fell asleep watching Van Helsing with Scott. I never slept better. There’s something about sleeping in close confines with someone who cares about you, that makes sleeping easier for me. I don’t know if it’s a science. I don’t really understand it– but I know it’s an absolutely GREAT feeling. Being in love.

I was talking with the Mouth on Saturday. Erm, I was complaining to the mouth on Saturday about how stressed I am. Was/am, whatever. I’ve been a lot more snappy lately. Just, rude. I’ve had a very thin tolerance level too. I don’t mean to be angry and upset… but it feels like a whole lot of nothing is being accomplished sometimes. :S I just sorta freak out. Not a good reason why, i know. It’s not nice to snap and be rude to your loved ones. 🙁 and I do love my family SO much. It’s brain boggling how i can love the people who seem to drive me the most insane so very much. heh.

At this point, i’d like to take a side note, and give a brief shout out to my mom. It’s hard planning a wedding. Especially a wedding like mine. I’m picky, I demand a lot, and it’s tough because we’re trying to cut back on expenses, so we’re doing a lot ourselves. Mom has been so great. Fantastic. She’s SUPER MOM! She’s doing the Bridesmaids (and Maid of Honor) dresses. She’s done/working on two quilts. She’s trying to figure out how we’re doing our flowers (which Scott’s sister is going to help with) She’s driving me to and fro, working on her own life (regular day to day mom stuffage!) and i know she feels like her head is going to explode. There is a lot to do. She’s getting stressed. *points at the computer screen* if you’re one of my siblings, or my fiance, you should express thanks to her. My sibs because I don’t think we will ever fully comprehend how much mom really does for us (I can only hope to be like, 1/4th of the great mom she is) and my Fiancee, simply because my mom has taught me so much, and has made me the fantastic person I am now. Mom holds our family together like glue. She keeps the peace, and smiles through a lot of tough times. My Mom is the best mom ever!!!!

It’s gonna be hard moving out of the house. I’ve never know anything but a life with my parents and sibs. (Sibs have left, but they all seem to eventually return now and then) it’s scary. Becoming part of a new family (which oddly seems like a younger version of my own) and living away from what I know. it’s so …. very odd.

Blah, i’m tired. The nausea has diminished, though a poke in the stomach would be greeted with a slap in the face still.

Derringer Meryl [my tummy!] Out

I’m at Scott’s house. It’s interesting here. Oh, and it looks like after Scott and I are married, we’ll be living here for a while. I think that’s silly.

I can see through my hands….

Right. Um… sometimes I like to pay attention to the things I’m doing. Two of Scott’s siblings are sick. It’s quite interesting. 🙂 One of them is currently running around like a rabid puppy trying to bite Scott’s sister…. it’s an new experience. I never had any younger siblings, and my experiences with my brothers being rabid puppies are limited to Dax, and Dax alone. 🙂

Just kidding Dax. I love you man!

He’s more of a radio active rabid puppy dog. 😀

Scott and I got to spend some time with Red this past wednesday. I’d like to send out a great big thank you for her not telling any sort of horrible stories. And I’d like to thank God that the horrid pictures that Red once had of me, have either been burned, lost, or will shortly be going to Lafayette with her. 😀

We played a lot of games on Wednesday, and then we had Dinner with our parents (all together, one big dinner event!)

I got my invite list done for this. If you don’t get an invite, it’s because you just didn’t send me your address… and you suck butt.

Derringer Meryl [Scott’s Back!] Out

WAHOO! Entry land. Okay, I’ve been trying to post an entry for the last fifteen minutes. Honest. I”m not completely lazy ya know.

And I update more than once a week like Scott. 😀 Just kidding. I keep him jumping most of the time. I’m a bit of a handful, ya know? I’m always doing something, and thusly dragging Scott with me. Wedding planning is going good.

I GOT MY DRESS! *squeals* I don’t have it with me (at home) it’s getting altered and what not. but it’ll be done in time. I’m so happy. IT means that it’s really getting close now. *smiles*

Lets see.

Um. Right. My OTHER precious is outside. So pretty and Golden. It’s not mine… at all. Or yet or anything. And I don’t need family spazzing out about this, but… Scott and I got a car. Kinda. Maybe. Some kinks need to be worked out. and stuff. I might not have it, Might take it back. Who knows. 🙂

But it’s nice to just look at it and think That’s mine

Scott gets me nice things.

I need to get myself a nice job. Just sent off a resume. Need to find a way to root myself down in American Fork/Orem area without an apartment. *thinks* Maybe… I”ll just go and take the car, and sleep in the car (a la Scott!) Hee hee.

Lots of exciting things are happening. I’m so… very… thin. LIke… not physically thin (duh!) but like Bilbo says in the first movie, he feels like butter that’s been scraped over too much bread. That kind of thin and worn. Like when I sleep, it just isn’t enough.

I got Invader Zim Yesterday! I’m veyr happy. The power was out last night, so I didn’t get to watch it, or type an entry up for in here…. 🙁

I got to go See Van Helsing last night. A lot of people say it sucked. Monkey maintains that it’s a Lion King Ending (with the clouds) and the people at work say the fights rocked (they did!) and the ending sucked (I don’t think so) I think that the ending requires a good grasp on religious aspects to completely understand. I don’t want to give it away, but if you want to understand it, I suggest you pick up the bible and read (Old Testament I do believe)

Or basically take a class in symbolism. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Basking in Knowledge] Out

I went to school today, and actually got something worthwhile accomplished too. I have all of the cards that we (Scott and I) got from Bed Bath and Beyond filled out with our names on it. (His first, since that’s how we’re registered) and I only messed up once! I’m really proud to say that’s done and out of the way.

Our invites are mocked up. THey need a few finishing touches to be complete, but we’re getting really close. I got my session for the temple scheduled (wahoo) for the Fourth of June. I’m sorta nervous about this. It feels like …

wham!

and i’m a grown up. I mean, I’m getting all these grown up things to worry and think about. An apartment, a GOOD job (lets face it, you know it, i know it, Gamestop sucks monkey butt) and it’s just something i’ve been thinking a lot about lately. That and school. Scott says it’ll be a while until i get to go back to school. I think it’s fine. I think some time away from school will help me appreciate it. Right now, I dont’ know what i want to do. I think it’s a waste of money that i’m going– because it’s not going towards anything. Not general education or anything. Just random classes that sounded good. :S The thing is (I know Scott’ll try to contest this, and maybe The Specialist) I’m not good at anything. I mean, i can’t remember ONE time in my whole life that The Specialist wasn’t insanely brilliant. I mean, he’s always known stuff, always been a really good speaker, very eloquent, and a good speller (I remember him winning the spelling bee, one of my first memories) He’s just always been smart. Always. Sure, everyone messes up, or is wrong sometimes, but he’s always been brilliant.

The thing behind it, I think, is passion (I happen to be insane about passion at the moment, and the lack there of) The Specialist has this passion for computers. He loves it. He loves knowing things about them. He knows so much about them, that I think my brain might explode just trying to comprehend how much he knows…. Scott has the same thing. He knows stuff about computers. He knows which processors do what. He loves knowing stuff about computers. Loves knowing stuff that other people don’t. I don’t have that. I don’t have the passion to learn. I remember the one thing that I used to be passionate about learning about was Mythology, but It got to the point where I couldn’t focus anymore. It just kinda went away. I know SOME stuff about computers, but just enough to make an old person feel stupid (with the exception of my mom, who I swear has now surpassed me in computer knowledge.) I love to write. I’m passionate about my writing…. but that’s not something you can get a grown up job with. Not really. I mean, I could pull a JK Rowling and write something amazing on coffee napkin, but in the end, I’ll probably end up more like Emily Dickinson, who wrote her whole life, but no one liked it until she was dead… (Makes me kinda wish I was dead sometimes… in a non suicidal way.)

I’m passionate (or maybe anal is a better word) about being neat. Looking at my computer desk and bedroom, you’d think i was a big fat liar. But if you take a look into my filing cabinet you’ll see that all my essays from my AP American History class are in order with a front sheet saying what grade I got on each, what the essay prompt was, and then the average for the scores. (adding all the scores up, dividing them by the number of scores…etc) I did it for my English Class too. I love doing that.

Is there a job like that? Where you take things and organize them? I love putting things in order. THe thing is, with my room, not everything can be alphabetized and put in order, so that’s why it’s running amuck. But my magazines are in groups of fashion and gaming (what an odd combo, right?) and then the magazine title Specifically (and alphabetically) then by date issued. 🙂 I’m a freak. I know. I love it. I love that.

Seriously….. Is there a job where you just clean and organize like that?

Derringer Meryl [Finding her Passion] Out