“being there” too much for your kids
Ok. I get the concept, but at the same time, what kind of crap is that?
So a friend posed the question “My daughter oversleeps a lot, and misses the bus, I’m sick of driving her and I feel like she’s not understanding the consequences of being late to school.”
When I think of teenagers, i shy away from the thought of Katie as a teen, because heaven knows I don’t want to venture into that line of thought until I absolutely have to. So I think about ME as a teen. I was not always the most well put together. AND, I overslept. A lot. Oh, and? My mom woke me up, all the time. (and while those aren’t treasured memories, at least I don’t think so, for my mom as it was FRUSTRATING to try and wake me up, I enjoyed the time to kind of be a bit of a kid. I’m a fairly responsible person and I don’t think my mom waking me up hurt me in the least.) She drove me to school EVERY DAY (not just days I was late, as there was no bus for my school in my area) and when i was dumb and forgot homework or a book at home, I knew that (despite my stupidity) my mom was there to bail me out. I don’t think it taught me to be lazy. I work fourty hours a week, I have a toddler, and a baby on the way, I have a house, I pay bills. I’m a functioning Human being. WHY? because I knew that my mom wouldn’t always be able to bail me out of stuff, and it was nice while she could, and it was great when she could… but we all grow up and say “I need to pay rent, I need to buy food, and if I’m a lazy slob, and if I’m unreliable, I won’t be able to.” I can’t say my parents ever sat me down and ingrained the virtues of hardwork and what not. I knew if I were responsible, I’d be working to get the things I wanted or needed. Mostly, I learned by watching my parents. My dad went to work every day when I was a kid, and worked graves and weird hours, and my mom worked from time to time too. They didnt’ sit with their hand out asking for someone to give them things– they worked to get what they wanted or needed. My brothers all had jobs. I guess you could say I’m only the person I am because of the examples I had set for me.
Anyway. I don’t think(in all of my wise-ness) that you need to make kids learn how hard life is. It’s plain to see. At least it was for me. Sometimes life sucks, and sometimes it doesn’t. Kids should have a safe and welcome place to be when it does suck– and wouldn’t it be great if it was home?
Derringer Meryl [softie] Out
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It is important to be there for your kids, but there are some parents who shelter their kids from all consequences. I don’t know where the line is for that, but I have way too many kids in my class that don’t have to deal with consequences because their parents bail them out from everything. This is something I worry about, because I want to be there for my kids, and give them a safe place, but I don’t want them to think it’s ok to be living at home at 35 because they don’t want to work. Hopefully it is learned by example, and I hope I can be that example.
Right. it’s hard to tell where the line is. BUT it’s important to not push it too much at the same time. It’s like walking a razor’s edge.
Here’s a suggestion. If the bad behavior is becoming a habit, then there needs to be consequences so that it doesn’t continue. If it’s just an occasional thing, no big deal – take their lunch or their homework to them or drive them to school. We all forget to do something every once in a while and need help.
However, if it is becoming a habit here is a suggestion I was given: If you are being kind enough to take the time out of your schedule to give them a ride to school, they should have to make up the time that you lost by them doing something for you.
For instance, I didn’t have time to do the dishes before going to work this morning because I took you to school, so could you please do the dishes to make up for the time I lost? Either they will stop missing the bus, or you will have help with your housework. It teaches them responsibility one way or another.